bright lights and cityscapes
by celaenos
Summary: (part 2 of Take These Broken Wings) AU, Quinn moves into an apartment with Sam and Kurt and tries to navigate college life, motherhood, friendships, and the slow realization that she is gay and falling in love with Rachel.
1. Chapter 1

**And here is part 2 of Take These Broken Wings! It's meant to be read in consecutive order, the first part is entitled 'for a while things were cold'. I'd advise reading that story before this one. I wanted to get this out a little earlier in the week, but work is a bit hectic right now. It's going to continue to be this next upcoming week, and a tiny bit the week after that, so please bear with me. I'm _hoping_ I can get the second chapter out by the end of next week. I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think:)**

* * *

_"__Adapt or perish" - HG Wells_

Quinn sets Beth down onto the floor and takes in the apartment.

It's a total shithole.

Kurt walks up with a suitcase and stands beside her, wearing an equally unimpressed face. Sam drops bags of luggage with verve and slings his arms around their shoulders. "This is great right?" He asks with a huge grin on his face. Quinn and Kurt share a look and don't say anything. "We've got to fix it up a bit, but I mean, it's rent controlled and there's enough room for all of us and just...it's _ours_!"

Beth takes off and Quinn lunges to catch her. "We need to baby proof this place immediately." Kurt announces as Quinn hoists Beth back up into her arms.

"I'm not a baby, I'm a big girl!" She insists.

"Yes you are." Quinn kisses her cheek. "We should _big girl_ proof this place," she murmurs to Beth. "Right _now_, or I'm never gonna be able to put her down." She directs at the boys.

Kurt is in his element apparently. He orders Sam around, covering up this and that, moving furniture in ways that are harder to bang into; making sure everything is safe while Quinn gets Beth settled in their bedroom.

She takes the time to get sheets on her bed, then flops down onto it, too exhausted to start unpacking for real.

She cannot believe they are in New York. The summer flew by. Once Quinn had officially decided on Columbia, it sparked a whirlwind of plans. Sam had made it clear he was coming with her, he applied to the LaGuardia Community College nursing program and got in, then proceeded to find them a place to live. Having Beth in the dorms wasn't really something Quinn could work out, so getting their own apartment was the only thing that made sense.

Paying for it, that's going to be quite another thing entirely.

Quinn doesn't know how, but Sam convinced Kurt to apply to LaGuardia as well, to get his general credits out of the way before transferring somewhere else.

Sam made all the arrangements, and somehow, two months have gone by and the three of them are renting an apartment in Long Island City. He's worked out everything so if each of them can manage almost 500 a month, they've got this place for almost two years. It's not very big, but there are two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a smallish hallway that doesn't really lead to anywhere that could be a playroom for Beth. It's the best they could afford. By Sam's calculations, it should take Quinn a little over half an hour to commute to school and the two of them a little over twenty minutes. All in all, it's not bad.

Rachel and Brittany are only half an hour away at Tisch, but Santana's down in Brooklyn – over an hour away on a good day.

Oddly enough, Rachel and Brittany are roommates.

Britt told Quinn this shortly before they left. She wanted to room with someone she knew, despite being in different programs, they managed to share a dorm. Quinn's not exactly sure how that's going to end up going, but a jealous Santana is no one's friend.

Santana is the only one alone and the furthest away. She's not happy about it in the slightest.

They don't bother unpacking much the first night, only digging out the essentials for dinner. The three of them end up cross-legged on the floor, dining off a coffee table. Kurt manages to get them some champagne. It's cheap and not all that tasty, but they toast with it all the same.

…

…

By the end of their first week, they've got almost everything unpacked, begun decorating a bit and found a semi decent grocery store about ten blocks away.

Quinn's didn't bother to bring Beth's crib along with them. She really is too big for it now anyway, so Quinn just pops Beth in the bed with her. Beth's delighted. Quinn knew she didn't want to deal with worrying about waking up to a wet bed, so she spends most of the summer potty training Beth.

It's a _big_ change from small town Lima to Long Island City. Everything is louder and more rushed. They're not in the best neighborhood in the world and Quinn is conscious of it whenever she's out of the apartment later at night. If she thought that was a culture shock, going to the Upper West side Manhattan to get to school is even more so.

The four of them take a day and ride the subway route to the boys school, then to Quinn's. To get a handle of where they need to go and get acclimated.

Quinn's condensed all her classes to three very long days a week. Wednesday through Friday she's got classes from nine am straight through until about seven at night. Sam is taking classes Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, about the same time frame. Kurt spread his out a bit more, taking his Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning. He won't be in classes all day long.

Sam was adamant about trying to get classes opposite each other so one of them can be with Beth, while the other is in class. Quinn doesn't expect or even ask Kurt to do the same. It still surprises her that Sam is so willing. Her only issue is what to do with Beth on Thursdays and she panics about it.

That particular problem ends up being solved when Santana comes up to visit them the weekend she gets in her dorm.

"_I_ don't have class on Thursday." She announces.

Quinn whips her head around and stares at her. Santana is surprisingly good with Beth, but she's never spent any great length of time with her all by herself. Quinn quirks an eyebrow in question and bits her lip, afraid to actually ask.

Santana sighs at her. "I'm gonna feed her whatever the fuck I want, she's gonna learn to love tv, and she is gonna hear swear words and have to get over it."

Quinn beams and wraps an arm around Santana's neck, pulling her in and planting a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you." She whispers sincerely.

"Yeah, yeah, don't thank me yet." Santana waves her off and gives her a shove, but there is the barest hint of a smile on her lips.

Quinn can't believe she lucked out enough to have friends like this.

…

…

After eighteen years of wanting out of Lima, Ohio, Quinn has managed it. She honest to God never thought it would happen. Even once the acceptance letters started rolling in. Even after she got all her information from Columbia. Even once Sam found them an apartment. A part of her believed it all was a dream.

She walks down Times Square with Kurt and Sam, Beth up on Sam's shoulders and can't believe she's actually here.

She fucking got out.

…

…

Quinn gets lost five times on her first day.

She accidentally gets off one stop early on the subway and it takes her ten minutes to find the correct one she needs to get back on. For her second class, she goes into the wrong building. In her last class she ends up sitting down for almost seven minutes before she realizes it is not her class and then she can't find the right train to take back home. The amount of times she gets turned around becomes so overwhelming that she almost cries.

When she does finally manage to get home (after going down the wrong block) she flops down onto the couch in tears. Beth bolts for her immediately and climbs on top of her back.

"Mama! We cooked for you!"

Quinn doesn't bother trying to get up, only kicks her legs, launching Beth into the air enough to flip her body around. Beth grins and climbs up until she can cover Quinn's face with messy, wet kisses. It's sort of exactly what Quinn needs and she wraps her arms around Beth tightly and just lays there.

Sam walks into the living room and Quinn starts laughing. "You've got sauce in your hair."

He reaches up and feels it, shooting a playful glare at Beth. "You little demon."

Beth squeals and flattens her body behind Quinn's to hide.

Kurt comes home looking just as tired as Quinn feels, and motions for Quinn to shove over wordlessly. She's about to, but Sam grabs him and directs him right to the kitchen table instead. Quinn hauls Beth up and follows them.

She stuffs her face, decides not to even attempt a bath for Beth (even though she's kind of covered in pasta sauce) and both of them fall asleep within an hour.

…

…

It's completely ridiculous that somehow it's become socially acceptable for an eighteen year old to decide what they want to do with their life.

Quinn has no clue what she wants to do as a career. She loves to read, and she enjoys history, so she picks some classes there that sound interesting. She needs a math class whether she wants one or not; but since she was in AP in high school, she only has to take the one and be done with it, depending on her eventual major.

There are so many options and listening to her temporary advisor list them all just makes her want to lay her head down on the table and cry.

She decides to stick with mainly english and psychology for the time being. They never really had sociology or psychology classes at Mckinley and Quinn's always been curious.

It seems to placate her advisor for now, and nothing is set in stone that Quinn can't change, so she goes with it.

…

…

She needs a job – pronto.

Her mother saved some money away and gave it to Quinn as a graduation present. Quinn will be able to cover her chunk of the rent (and their initial deposit) for the first three months. But there are still groceries to buy and random expenses that Quinn's never even thought about before.

Her phone bill, the internet, coffee, how they split the food, it's – overwhelming.

_Everything_ feels overwhelming.

…

…

It takes a full two weeks or so to really get into a routine.

On her days home with Beth, she gets up and keeps Beth out of the way as the boys get ready to go to class. Once the two of them have the apartment to themselves, Quinn makes breakfast and just enjoys hanging out with her kid.

By mid morning, Quinn sets Beth up with some toys and studies her ass off for as long as she can. Sometimes they make a lunch and keep on going like that until Beth's nap, sometimes Quinn takes her out to a playground that's not too far away.

Whenever Beth sleeps, Quinn studies.

Afternoons seem to drag on. It's hard, being cooped up with just Beth. As it turns out the terrible twos are in fact a real thing. Quinn can't fathom how her beautiful, happy baby can turn into such a little bratty monster in no time at all. By all accounts, Beth was a fairly easy baby. She's more than making up for it now.

Sam and Kurt seem to be thriving. Kurt wasn't thrilled about going to LaGuardia initially, but Quinn can see how much he loves being in the city. He goes into Midtown frequently and meets up with Rachel at Tisch. He comes home jealous of her, Quinn can tell. But he only bitches about it to Sam and never to Rachel's face.

Quinn has only seen Rachel and Brittany once since school started. They all met downtown once they had gotten settled in their respective dorms and apartments to have lunch. Rachel – the one among them most familiar with the city from the times her fathers brought her to see theatre as a child – shows them a small, relatively cheap restaurant she discovered with her fathers once.

Beth actually behaves, and the food is delicious. Sam and Kurt have never been huge about PDA, but Santana and Brittany haven't seen each other in almost a full week and don't care where they are. The two of them practically maul each other immediately. Quinn covers Beth's eyes playfully and throws a roll at them.

Santana only flips her off and starts kissing her way down Brittany's neck.

Rachel shakes her head and laughs, nodding to Quinn to follow her. She stands and lifts Beth out of the booth, letting her walk on her own. Beth runs over to Rachel, takes her hand, and looks on eagerly as Rachel points out artwork to her that's all over the walls.

Quinn goes up to the counter and orders herself a coffee, and a tea she knows Rachel likes and brings the beverages over.

"Thank you!" Rachel says, surprised as Quinn passes it over to her. "You didn't have to do that."

Quinn just shrugs and takes the hand Beth is holding out to her, spinning her around as she does. Beth lets out a giggle and Rachel smiles down at her.

"How's your dorm room?" She asks Rachel after a moment. Beth has danced her way closer to a purple painting and is giving it her full attention.

"It's actually really nice." Rachel says with a smile. "A little small, but it's larger than I pictured a college dorm room to be. And Brittany's an amiable roommate thus far."

Quinn snorts. "Yeah, Britt's pretty good if you're not sharing a bed with her." Rachel raises her eyebrows in confusion. "She kicks." Quinn explains.

"Ah. Lucky for me, we each have our own beds. How about you? What's the apartment like? You'll have to show me sometime soon!"

"It's not much." Quinn shrugs. "But it's not too bad either. I'm...I dunno how well living with Kurt's going to end up, but so far so good."

Rachel frowns. "Kurt's very neat." She says like it's a question.

Quinn sighs. "Yeah I know, it's not that it's – it's Beth. He likes her alright, when he could go home and be away from her now..." She trails off and shrugs one shoulder. Looking behind her, Santana and Brittany seem to have cooled off a bit, and the boys are up getting their food.

"I see." Rachel reaches out and take a light hold of Quinn's forearm, rubbing it gently. "I'm sure it will be fine. I know Kurt can be a little...taxing, but he's always been there for me when I need him. It might take a period of adjustment, but I'm sure he'll get there."

"I hope so."

Rachel stops rubbing Quinn's arm and links hers through it instead, pulling Quinn close. "I know it!" She says with a smile. Quinn can't help but return it.

Santana yells for them to come get their food, or she's eating it all.

…

…

Kurt gets a job as a waiter in a small diner about twenty blocks from their apartment.

Quinn and Sam take Beth out and job hunt as well, Quinn's not above using her kid to get something she needs. They find a small coffee and dessert shop not far from Tisch and Quinn hounds the owner until she and Sam walk out an hour later, employed.

"He's totally afraid of you." Sam laughs as they head home, Beth on his shoulders.

"Good." Quinn answers with a smile. "I can use that to my advantage."

"And I think he thinks we're twins."

Quinn snorts.

…

…

On Thursdays, Quinn alternates between bringing Beth down to Santana, and having Santana come up to meet her at the apartment.

Thursday her first class doesn't start until 10:30, so she has a little more time to manage with. Usually, Santana's not awake early enough to take the hour long subway there in time for Quinn to leave. More often than not, Quinn gets up early, packs Beth up, and takes her down to Santana's dorm.

The first Thursday, she is genuinely worried all day long and sends Santana a text after every class.

She runs into Santana's dorm, nearing nine pm to find Santana sprawled out on her twin bed, Beth sound asleep on her front, and the tv still on. Before either of them can wake, Quinn snaps a photo and sends it to Brittany.

"She's turning into a total bitch Q." Santana mumbles as Quinn shakes her lightly.

"I know. If this whole terrible twos thing actually lasts the full year I'm going to go insane."

"She's adorable but damn she's got a pair of lungs on her." Santana passes Beth over, making sure not to wake her and sits up a bit.

"I – you don't have to do this Santana, I know that –"

"– Shut up Q." Santana cuts her off. "I mean, I'm godmother right? No big. Besides, without me, she'll turn into a freak. Did you know Sam's already reading her comics?" She shakes her head. "Jesus, she'll be a nerd!"

Quinn frowns. "She doesn't have a godmother, we don't do that."

Santana looks affronted. "Do you even _go_ to your stupid church anymore?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Then she gets my religion. Catholics have godparents. Non-religious people have godparents. Shit, if I'm not godmother, I'm not taking up every Thursday for the next year watching the little devil in training."

"Okay!" Quinn says briskly. "You're godmother."

"And Britt is godfather." Santana orders as she walks Quinn down towards the subway.

Quinn wrinkles her nose. "No. If anyone gets that it's Sam. I mean come on."

"Ugh, fine." Santana sighs. "Britt is second godmother than."

"Is that a thing?"

"Nobody ever died from too many godparents Quinn."

…

…

Puck has called twice. He's enrolled in classes at the local community college, but it doesn't sound like he's attending many of them. He talks with Beth until she gets bored then makes awkward small talk with Quinn.

She can tell he misses Beth and she makes it a point to text him or send him pictures when she does something cute or funny.

At first, she called her mother almost every night, now she calls her maybe once a week. Judy has made new friends and is enjoying working again. Quinn's glad her mother can finally have a life of her own. They do seem to have less and less to talk about. Quinn can only tell her about how studying is hard but she's managing so many times. It still feels awkward, she doesn't confide in Judy much, so everything feels like small talk. Quinn doesn't really know how to change that, so she just calls less.

…

…

The weather finally cools – and thank god, their air conditioning did _not_ work – and Quinn finally feels settled here. School is hard, and she's exhausted, and work is stressful, but, she's managing (barely) and it finally feels like home.

Quinn doesn't have time for anything besides studying, working at the coffee shop, and taking care of Beth. It feels like junior year all over again, times a million.

Her classmates are okay, but she doesn't interact with them all that much. A few girls from her psychology class invite her to a party the third week but Quinn declines. She doesn't tell them she's got a two year old waiting on her, just says she's busy.

People judge when she brings up Beth.

It's weird, but Quinn's gotten used to people just _knowing_. Lima was a small town, sure there were whispers and the first year (and being pregnant) were horrible, but people got used to it. Teen mom became old news. Now, it's this thing no one knows. She can be anyone she wants, fresh start. She doesn't have to be the slut who messed up and got pregnant and homeless. So she doesn't bring it up.

It feels like lying.

It feels like she's ashamed of Beth. Quinn thinks of all the times her parents made her feel like shit and walks into class the next day and tells them.

"Sorry I couldn't come, I had to get home to my daughter."

Shock falls onto all their faces, and Quinn steels herself, refusing to let these people she doesn't even really know or care about judge her. "She's two, my friend was watching her. I'd need more notice than that is all."

Quinn sits down and faces the front of the classroom.

A minute or so passes. "Wow. You really have a two year old?" A girl named Katherine asks. Quinn nods sharply, daring her to say something. "_Seriously_? Your body is amazing. I'd never guess. Do you have a picture? There's a party next weekend I think. I can find out the actual time and text you."

Quinn's too shocked to smile.

…

…

She comes home from class early on Friday and finds Sam and Beth in some sort of blanket, pillow fort in the middle of the living room. Sam sticks his head out and grins. "Wanna join?"

"Um..."

Before she can answer, Kurt and Santana walk into the apartment. "Look who I found – what the hell is going on?" Kurt asks.

"We're camping." Sam says. "Obviously."

"Awesome." Santana quips and crawls down onto her knees, slipping inside.

Quinn hears Beth happily yell, 'Tana!' and grins, nudging Kurt. "Come on." She tells him, and follows after Santana. It's cramped, she has to pull her legs up to her chin and still she's halfway on top of Santana.

"Kurt! Get in here now!" Santana yells at him.

After a huff, his face appears in the small opening flap. "If this messes up my hair I'm killing all of you." He says and primly crawls inside.

Sam reaches over and musses up his hair immediately, Kurt squeals as the rest of them dissolve into a fit of giggles. Beth slips off of Santana's lap, pushes Quinn's legs down so she can sit on Quinn's and smiles up at her. Looking around at her idiot friends Quinn thinks that just maybe this is going to be as awesome as she had hoped.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but work has been crazy and is going to continue to be for the next week or so and I kinda just needed to get this chapter out and past it and that's what it is. Sorry about that, and thank you very much for all the response to this story so far:)**

* * *

Quinn is unsure how exactly, but time both flies by and drags on in an agonizingly slow crawl.

The days themselves seem never ending, classes go on forever, mornings with Beth become one temper tantrum after another, and all she does is study and go to work. In the same vein, there is never time for anything. It seems that once she gets Beth settled and tries to study, it's time for bed. Quinn never sees anyone apart from Beth, her professors, and Sam and Kurt as they pass each other on their ways in and out of the apartment. If it weren't for Santana watching Beth every Thursday, Quinn would never see her at all. As it is, she rushes in, passes Beth over and hurries to catch the train for class. The end of the day is much the same, always eager to get home and get some sleep after nearly an hour on the subway.

It's a blur, full of nothing but tears and books, subways and meals eaten as fast as she can manage.

People who think they can just go to college and party all the time are morons. Quinn is smart, but _God_ she's never felt so utterly unprepared for anything in her life. By the time Halloween rolls around, Quinn's grades are rapidly diminishing and she is so exhausted she bursts into tears at random intervals.

…

…

Beth is _screaming_ and Quinn can't handle it anymore. It's been non stop all morning (all month it seems) and Quinn just breaks down and screams back at her before slumping down to the floor in tears. It shocks Beth into silence for about half a second before she lets out another bloodcurdling wail.

Santana chooses that exact moment to let herself into their apartment. Quinn found out she stole one of their keys and had her own made ages ago. Kurt was_ not_ thrilled about it.

"Jesus Q." She says in lieu of a greeting. Quinn just continues sobbing. Santana sighs and drops her purse on the couch, bends over and hauls Beth up into her arms, rubbing her back lightly and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Beth keeps wailing, but there is a 'Tana' added somewhere in the middle. Quinn sees them go into her bedroom out of the corner of her eye. She should get up. She knows this, but it seems like a feat that is beyond her at the moment.

Quinn doesn't know how much time passes, but eventually she can't hear Beth's cries, and her own begin to subside. Quinn hears the click of high heels before they come into view. Santana huffs and Quinn is surprised when she lowers herself down onto the floor next to her.

"So, you're a fucking mess."

Quinn starts sobbing all over again.

Santana sighs – yet again, it seems like all she ever does is sigh at Quinn anymore – and takes her hand. The two of them just lay there until Quinn calms down.

"So, Britt invited me – and you and the boys – to a Halloween party up at their school. The theatre kids all have like, crazy awesome costumes so we'll need to up our game. Also, the lizard baby from hell is asleep on your bed and I am coming pretty close to failing math, how's your day been going?"

Quinn chokes out a harsh laugh. "I think I'm failing everything."

"You're not failing everything."

"I'm coming real close."

"Is that why we're on the floor?"

"I'm on the floor because my baby is horrible and I hate her, and I'm so tired I can't stand up, and I haven't eaten today, and I can't be a mother, and I think I'm going to quit college."

Santana laughs at her.

"I mean it San." Quinn rolls her head over to finally face her. "I can't do this." She whispers. "I thought I could, but I really, really can't."

"Quinn, it's hard. I'm kinda freaking out too, but jesus if anyone can do this – and I'll fucking kill you if you repeat this – you can."

"I can't." Quinn whines. "I'm serious, I'm sleep deprived. Like for real. And I've lost like fifteen pounds because I have no time to eat and when I do it's shitty food. My grades are so bad San, I...I want to go home."

That causes Santana to snap. She shoots up and hovers over Quinn so fast Quinn barely registers it.

"Shut the fuck up Quinn."

"San – "

" – I mean it Quinn, shut the fuck up. Lima? _No_. You're not going back to fucking Lima, Ohio to move back in with your mom and go to community college with Puck! _No._"

"Santana, I'm serious. I can't do this by myself."

"Then I'll help." Santana says immediately. Quinn loves her for it. There's not a second of hesitation and Quinn knows she means it.

"You already watch Beth every Thursday, it's my job. Not yours, not Sam's, _mine_. And I can't do it and go to Columbia. I can't."

"Ever heard the phrase it takes a fucking village?

"Not said like that no."

Santana's still hovering over Quinn. She glares at her and stands up, hauling Quinn up along with her. "Sit." She orders, and shoves Quinn down into one of the kitchen chairs. Quinn lifts up one leg and rests her head on her knee as Santana moves around the kitchen. Before she knows it, Santana has placed a turkey sandwich, apple slices and carrots in front of her. "Eat." She orders and Quinn complies.

They sit mostly in silence, Quinn eats slowly, for the first time in over a month. She starts to open her mouth to say 'thank you' but Santana waves her off, grabs her hand and pulls her into her bedroom. The two of them plop down onto the bed, Beth sound asleep in between them.

Despite how tired she is, it takes Quinn a while to fall asleep. It's comfortable like this, it feels like junior year all over again. Santana constantly sleeping over and ordering Quinn around to distract herself from what she was feeling with Brittany. Back then, Quinn felt like she was the one taking care of Santana, now, it's definitely Santana taking care of her.

…

…

She wakes up alone.

When she glances at the alarm clock next to the bed it tells her it's well after ten. Quinn bolts out of the bed and runs into the living room. Frantically glancing around until she finds Santana and Beth on the couch, Beth putting lipstick all over Santana's face.

"I'm late!" Quinn yells and runs into the bathroom, stripping her clothes off as she goes. "My first class was at nine! Where's Sam? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Go back to bed." Santana deadpans. "You're sick."

"I am not!" Quinn covers her bare breasts and tries to shimmy out of her shorts at the same time. It doesn't work, she yanks them off shamelessly. "Santana, you have class today too! Where is Sam? I've got to go!"

"Quinn. I've got a stomach bug, so do you, which is why we're both absent from class today. Sam is going on a date with Kurt and covering your shift at the coffee shop. You should either shower or put some clothes on, cause I love you and you've got a banging bod, but I'm taken and your boobs are staring at me."

"I..." Quinn hesitates, jumpy and unsure. She should be in class. She cannot afford to skip a whole day.

"Dude, relax and go shower, you smell like shit."

"Mell like tit Mama!" Beth repeats.

"I'm gonna kill you." Quinn warns Santana and goes to shower. She is starting to smell a little.

…

…

They spend the day doing absolutely nothing. It makes Quinn nervous and edgy. She tries to study twice and Santana finds her and throws her math book out the window the second time.

"That stupid book cost 48 dollars!"

"And now it's outside. Come have a dance party with us."

When Sam and Kurt get home, the music is blaring, Beth has learned to do a spin without falling down, and Quinn is laughing.

…

…

Quinn wakes up the next morning and feels more refreshed than she has in over a month.

Santana is still there. Quinn makes blueberry pancakes, and they take Beth to the park and shop around for Halloween costumes. When Beth goes down for her nap, Santana produces Quinn's math book and the two of them buckle down and study their asses off.

It's amazing how much easier it is to study now that Quinn's not falling over with exhaustion.

Santana doesn't say much, and Quinn doesn't either, but Santana stays all weekend long. Neither of them mention Lima. They both study and alternate watching Beth, Quinn eats at regular intervals and sleeps like a baby.

Monday rolls around and Santana goes back to Brooklyn for class. Quinn continues on eating, sleeping, studying, and playing with Beth. She has a major temper tantrum again Tuesday afternoon but Quinn calmly ignores her. It's so much harder than she would have ever thought. But Beth eventually gets tired of yelling and shoves her way onto Quinn's lap, whimpering a little, but otherwise over her temper tantrum. Quinn places a kiss to her head and begins to read her history book out loud.

…

…

Quinn takes it one day at a time. It makes her feel like an alcoholic, but it works.

She doesn't let herself worry about next week, or next month, or her scholarship, or anything that's not right in front of her. It's hard. Nothing actually gets any easier. But Quinn takes time to actually eat, sleeps whenever she gets the chance and stops worrying about failing. She studies and does what she can. Her grades need to stay above a 3.0 GPA in order to keep her scholarship and right now, she's definitely somewhere near a 2.6 or even lower. It's stressful and Quinn does worry about it, but she's got two months to get it up.

Stressing about it wasn't helping. Sleeping more regularly is. The more she sleeps, the easier it is to study and deal with Beth. It's miraculously pathetic in it's simplicity.

…

…

Despite the threat of the theatre students exorbitant costumes, Quinn keeps hers plain. She can neither afford, nor cares to figure a way to make any sort of extravagant costume. She dons her old Cheerios uniform and calls it a day.

Santana (stuffed into a tiny, cliched, nurses costume) laughs at her when they meet up at the subway. Kurt and Sam are dressed to the nines (Kurt as some character in Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Sam as Captain America) Quinn doesn't care. Their neighbor in 4B, Mrs Landingham is watching Beth and she is going to enjoy herself. Quinn had knocked into the woman while rushing to class a week prior. She's a widow, and a sweetheart and refuses to take Quinn's money; so she bakes her healthy brownies and finds her good crime novels instead.

Quinn hasn't actually been up to see Tisch yet and she hasn't seen Brittany or Rachel since school started. The school is impressive and the party even more so. Santana hadn't been lying about them going all out. Brittany is practically naked and Quinn has no idea what she is supposed to be.

"Where's Rachel?" Quinn yells over the loud music.

"She was over there a few minutes ago." Brittany yells back, pointing over towards the stairs.

Quinn slinks out of Brittany's grasp and makes her way – slowly – through the dense crowd. She doesn't see Rachel anywhere, so she gets herself a bottle of water and looks around for Santana and Brittany. Someone slips their arms around Quinn's waist and she jumps, hands clenching into a fist.

"It's me!" Rachel yells. "Sorry, I called your name but it's too loud in here."

Quinn barely recognizes her. "Did you cut your hair?" She gasps.

Rachel grins. "It's a wig." She leans in closer so Quinn can hear her. "Don't you know who I am?" She stands back and does a dramatic little twirl that makes Quinn laugh.

"Um..." Quinn wrinkles her nose. "It looks familiar but..." She shrugs.

"I'm Fanny Brice! Patti LuPone's quintessential character from Funny Girl!"

"How could I not get that." Quinn says dryly. She smiles as Rachel pouts a little. "How've you been?" Quinn asks a moment later.

"WHAT?" Rachel yells.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"I can't – " Rachel waves her hands in the air. "Come on!" She grabs Quinn's forearm and leads her into a different room. It's smaller, but still full of people. Someone bumps into Quinn and almost knocks her over. Rachel yells at him and takes Quinn's hand, pulling her along gently. The noise diminishes with each room they go into and eventually – Quinn should have guessed – they find themselves in an empty theatre.

"Of course." Quinn says with a smile. Rachel only giggles a little, Quinn suspects she has had a drink or two. They stumble up to the stage and dangle their legs over the pit. "Are you drunk?" Quinn asks after Rachel almost falls over.

"I had an appletini and a manhattan! The manhattan was disgusting, don't ever try one."

"I don't drink, so it shouldn't be a problem." Quinn says with a smile. Rachel wraps her arms around Quinn's and rests her head on Quinn's shoulder. Quinn forgot how much of an affectionate drunk Rachel was.

"Do you like your classes?" Rachel asks a few moments later.

Quinn nods. "They're hard. You?"

"I don't think I've ever had more fun in my life." Rachel beams. "I get to sing and dance everyday. It's actually required of me. I get to study about the people I've admired and loved since I was a toddler. It's _amazing_."

Quinn can't help but feel a little jealous as Rachel gushes. She wishes college was as fun for her as it appears to be for Rachel. But she smiles anyway. "That's great Rach."

"I miss you though! And Sam! Ugh, I never see you guys. I hardly see Brittany and I live with her."

"Yeah, how's that going?"

"Surprisingly well. Brittany and I had never spent any significant time together previous to Tisch, we get along really well though. It's certainly interesting. I never know what she's talking about and I can tell when she's zoning out and not really listening to me, but I like her. I'm glad we're roommates. Some of the other girls in my theatre program are incredibly catty. I wouldn't want to live with any them."

The two of them sit in silence for a few moments. Quinn's surprised that she doesn't mind Rachel practically cuddling with her. She's never been a very physically affectionate person. She only is with Sam because he's like that and Quinn's just gotten used to it. Same with Brittany. Apart from the two of them and Beth, Quinn can count the number of hugs she remembers from her parents on one hand. It's unnerving that it doesn't feel odd to be close to Rachel.

"How's Beth?"

"Driving me crazy."

"What!?" Rachel laughs.

"No I mean it. The terrible twos are a real thing. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown last week. I – I'm not having as much fun as you seem to be." Quinn admits. Rachel frowns and knocks into Quinn, wrapping her up tightly in a hug.

"I'm sorry. If you ever need me to watch her, let me know. I've got mostly late morning classes. And I know Brittany misses her. She talks about her a lot."

"Really?"

"Mhm. We can't let you have a nervous breakdown. Bring her by!"

"Thanks but...I'm her mom. I shouldn't be pawning her off on other people because I can't handle her. I – I might just go home."

"What!? No!" Rachel protests.

"That's what Santana said."

"She's right! Wow, I didn't think that would be something I would have ever said a few years ago. But she's right. Listen to Santana. Oh Quinn you can't go home, you can't!"

"I...Rachel I'm not having fun like you. Beth is horrible. Like a demon baby or something. I never have time to study because of her, I never sleep, I'm gonna fail and I'll lose my scholarship and I'll have to go home anyway." Quinn can't really believe that it's Rachel who she's choosing to confess all this too, a drunken, costumed Rachel at that, but alas.

"Quinn." Rachel lets go a bit and attempts to stand up, but stumbles and decides (smartly) against it. "You – don't tell anyone this – I'm not having as much fun as I let on. There's this girl, Emery, what a ridiculous name, who – and she's absolutely _not_ better than me – but she's _good_. And she enjoys showing me this and it makes me _furious_. I try not to actively hate people, but Quinn, I hate her. I hate her a lot. I would not be upset were she to fall off this stage and break an arm."

"Why don't _you_ sit still before you fall of this stage." Quinn tugs her arm and holds her in place. She's a little more buzzed that Quinn had initially thought and she's really starting to fumble around the stage. "And hating people is fine. I enjoy hating people."

Rachel snorts.

"The bitch isn't better, don't let her get to you."

"You've never seen her preform."

"I don't need to, you're better."

Rachel looks at her a little oddly. Quinn squirms a bit under her gaze and realizes just how close and intimate they are right now. She backs up from Rachel, but pulls her away from the pit. The last thing she needs is to take a drunk Rachel to the hospital.

"It's not just her." Rachel adds. "It's...everyone is good here Quinn. Really, really good. I'm..." her voice drops to a whisper, "I'm not the best one here."

"Bullshit."

Rachel gives her a small smile and crawls forward, plopping herself onto Quinn's front. It is exactly the same way Beth does it and she starts to laugh hysterically. Rachel stares at her for about half a second before joining her in a fit of giggles. "Why are we laughing?"

Quinn only laughs harder.

It takes a while for them to clam down, but when they do Rachel grins up at her. "You know, other than my dads, you always believe in me."

"I..."

"Thank you for that Quinn." She says sincerely. Before Quinn can say a word or react at all, Rachel lifts her body up and kisses Quinn's nose. It shocks her so much she almost jumps away from Rachel. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to notice.

"I've got to go, Beth's with a babysitter, if I don't get on the subway soon I'll be way too late to relive her."

Rachel holds her arms up and waits for Quinn to help her. Quinn doesn't want to touch her right now, but she hauls Rachel upward and steadies her all the same.

"I'm glad you came."

"Yeah, me too it was fun." Quinn directs Rachel far away from the pit and gets her down off the stage without any damage.

"No, really Quinn." Rachel pushes away a little and puts her arms on Quinn's shoulders. "College is hard, and it's scary, and everyone is freaking out. If you need me, or Brittany I know she'd love it, to watch Beth for an afternoon, just call me."

"Rach..."

"Even if she's being a holy terror. Promise."

"Okay."

"Quinn, you're gonna be fine. We all are. I'm going to crush Emery and you're going to pass all your classes and Beth will turn three and things will magically be better. You're not going back to Lima. You're better than Lima. You told me that once and I'm telling it to you okay?"

"Thanks Rachel."

Quinn deposits Rachel back with some of her new friends and heads home. Walking around after midnight alone, dressed as a cheerleader the night before Halloween might not have been the greatest idea she's ever had. She sees a group of guys and immediately crosses to the other side of the street, quickening her pace.

She gets Beth from Mrs Landingham – who assures Quinn she behaved perfectly – and gets her set in their bed. Quinn is more tired than she realized and crawls right in next to her. Beth looks perfect while she's asleep. Not like something that screams and throws food at her and makes her more tired than anything. She looks angelic.

Beth curls her little body into Quinn's and reaches up, tangling her fingers in Quinn's growing hair. She's done it since she was a baby and it's one of Quinn's favorite things.

Quinn doesn't like the idea that she can't do this alone. That she is incapable of being a mother and going to college. It feels like somehow proving her father, Frannie, and everyone who looked down at her was right. It feels like letting Beth down.


	3. Chapter 3

"How could you neglect to tell me that you worked not ten minutes from my school? And how have more than two months gone by and I've never even come in here! Sam works here too!?" Rachel asks as she walks up to the counter; arms crossed and an actual put upon look etched onto her face.

Quinn shuffles back and forth on the balls of her feet uncomfortably."Um I dunno. I sort of thought you knew?"

"How would I know if you never told me?"

"Well..." she's got her there. "I – don't you and Sam talk a lot?"

Rachel frowns.

"I'm sorry."

Rachel keeps the frown, looking genuinely hurt and it causes Quinn to flash back to that look on Rachel's face in high school; and all the times she put it there. A line is forming behind her and Quinn glances back at her manager. She's already pissed him off today by coming in nearly fifteen minutes late for her shift. Beth had had a full blown fit and it took forever to calm her down.

"Rach..."

"May I please have that tea you know I like? I don't know the name." She asks tersely.

Quinn nods and runs off to get it. As Rachel passes over her debit card Quinn leans in and drops her voice to a whisper. "I'm sorry Rach, I really thought Sam told you. I'll text you later okay?"

Rachel sighs, but nods and looks a little less annoyed.

Quinn pulls out her cellphone the minute she finds a seat on the subway. Her shift had gone from bad to worse as soon as Rachel left. They had gotten slammed. Quinn is exhausted and she has a nine am class the next morning.

'_Rach I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job. Free tea or coffee on me?__'_

Quinn clicks her phone off and rests her head back against the wall. All she wants to do is sleep.

There is a feeling that has been brewing in the back of her head for a while. A longer while than she's realized if she is being honest with herself. The day before Quinn had spent over four hours googling various connotations of the phrase 'how to know if you're gay'. It was not the first time she had done so. (After Santana came out Quinn had been curious and stumbled upon some things that most definitely scarred her for life.) In the last few weeks Quinn has slowly stopped ignoring the feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thinks about Rachel. It isn't how she feels about other women. And it freaks her the fuck out.

The problem is that Quinn isn't sure if this is a Rachel specific issue or if it is just something that she has successfully ignored for years. The latter wouldn't surprise her much at all. Though she does think that with Santana and Sam as her best friends the idea ought to have occurred to her before if it applies.

Quinn's phone dings.

'_Are you free at all tomorrow after four?__'_

Quinn shoots a quick text to Sam to asking if he is okay with watching Beth for a little longer than usual. The subway stops and Quinn hops off, getting shoved by a young guy with a backpack.

"Shit, sorry!" He yells as he runs past her.

Quinn just glares and walks down Astoria blvd. Sending a quick 'thanks' to Sam even though she'll see him in a matter of minutes.

'_I can meet you at 4:30. Does that work?__'_

'_Perfect! You know where the dorms are at Tisch?__'_

'_Sort of?__'_

'_Get to the school and I'll meet you there.__'_

'_Okay sounds good. Tell Britt __I said __hi.__'_

Quinn enters the apartment and is immediately greeted by Beth slamming into her legs. "Mama! You home!"

"I am." She bends down and lifts Beth into her arms; running her fingers through the wet blonde curls. "And you're still awake."

Sam walks sheepishly into view. "Yeah well there was a promise of waiting up for you if someone ate all her veggies, and didn't throw a tantrum. As you can see, success."

"I good all day." Beth announces with pride. Sam clears his throat. "Most day." Beth corrects.

"I'll take it." Quinn says with a laugh. She walks into her bedroom and Beth jumps from her arms onto the bed, giddy as she slips under the covers. Quinn should eat something, and probably read an essay for her history class tomorrow, but she just wants to climb in with Beth and crash.

She tucks the covers tightly around her daughter, just the way Beth likes and places a kiss to her forehead. Before Quinn can shuck her work uniform and pull on some comfy clothes, her phone dings again.

_'Brittany says, and I quote, hi quinn! You have to come with me to see the ducks. I have no unearthly clue as to which ducks she is referring because she had to run to a late night class, but she seemed adamant about it.'_

Quinn chuckles and slips into some pjs before brushing her teeth. She turns off the light and hops into bed with Beth.

_'I'll text her tomorrow and find out. Night Rachel.'_

_'see you tomorrow!'_

Quinn shuts her phone off after making sure her alarm is set. It's not really necessary with the two year old who wakes up before six every morning – but she always does it just in case. Beth is already fast asleep, but instinctively curls her body into Quinn's. Within minutes, Quinn is out cold as well.

…

…

"Quinn!" Rachel yells from across the quad, jumping up a bit and waving. Quinn rolls her eyes as half the students turn to look at her. Rachel continues jumping up and down and waving until Quinn is close enough to barrel into. "Hi!" She says, muffled into Quinn's shoulder.

"Hi Rachel."

Rachel steps back and drops her grin. "Oh wait, I'm mad at you."

"I..."

"No, me first. Quinn if we're actually friends you've got to actually _talk to me_ rather than assume I'll get information about you by osmosis. Or Sam."

"I will. Promise."

Rachel holds up a pinkie finger and Quinn laughs, but links hers with it. Rachel beams and wraps her arm around Quinn's. "Since you work at Muddy Waters I figured you wouldn't want to go there for coffee. There's a nice little place about twenty minutes from here if you're not in a hurry. Who has Beth?"

"Sam."

Rachel pouts a little. "I haven't seen her in months."

"Lucky you. She's been possessed by a demon."

"I wouldn't have thought as a christian you would find that funny."

Quinn arches an eyebrow at her as they hop onto the subway and find a seat. "Rachel, I haven't been to church since I was fifteen."

"Really?" Rachel bites her lip and looks away from Quinn contemplatively. "Do you miss it?"

Quinn barks out a laugh until she sees that Rachel is serious. Quinn hasn't honestly thought about it much. There just isn't enough room in her brain. But now...well. "Um, no I don't think so. I mean –" Quinn sighs and tries to figure out a way to say this that will make sense and make Rachel change the subject. "– it was never something that really gave me comfort. I thought it did for a while. But...it made me more terrified than anything else. All the rules – a good number of which I broke – they just made me feel like a bad person. Like I could never live up to any of them."

"Hum, that makes sense."

Now that Quinn's started thinking about it she can't stop. It's why she avoids things, once she lets something seep out, there's no getting it back in.

"It...I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I've still got to figure that out but, I don't think I'll ever consider myself a christian again. Not in the way I was before." Quinn shakes her head and tries to smile. "But this is all a little too profound for the subway don't you think?"

Rachel laughs and gives her a little shrug. "I don't have boundaries. Anything is fair game, you should know that by now." She's grinning at her, and looks adorable and Quinn's stomach flips. "But this is our stop, you're temporarily relieved."

The coffee place is light and open and lovely. They find a couch in a corner and claim it as theirs. The small talk gets out of the way pretty fast and Quinn just takes the time to breathe and actually enjoy herself.

"You're not still thinking of going back to Lima are you?" Rachel asks quietly after about half an hour.

"No. I mean, I don't want to. I'm trying not to think about it at all actually. If I lose my scholarship I won't have a choice."

"You won't." Rachel says firmly.

"You can't know that. You haven't seen my grades."

"Quinn you are probably the smartest person I know, you can handle it."

"That's – "

"No look – " Rachel pauses as if collecting her thoughts. " – Quinn I don't know how you made it through high school the way you did."

Quinn frowns, unsure exactly where Rachel is going with this.

She sighs and shifts, tucking a leg underneath her and facing Quinn head on. "To put it bluntly, you became pregnant at fifteen, ended up homeless twice, moved homes three times within the span of a single year, were teased and humiliated at school – and as someone who also has dealt with that, I know how much of a toll it can take – and then you had to learn how to be a mother. I've seen you with Beth, you're a wonderful mother Quinn. Even if she's going through a time that is typically hard, you're amazing with her. Through all that, you managed to be salutatorian and were accepted into some of the best schools in the entire country. It's hard. No one expects you to be superwoman, you don't have to do everything yourself. You have accomplished amazing things already. You have to be proud of yourself. _I'm_ incredibly proud of you."

Quinn can feel the tears welling up and angrily wipes at them. It only causes Rachel to laugh lightly and crawl over the couch, wrapping Quinn up in a tight hug.

"Thanks Rachel." Is all Quinn can manage to get out.

"You're very welcome. Now, enough tears and melancholy, I need a song to sing in class next week that will knock Emery and the rest of the class flat on their asses."

"Do you have any ideas yet?"

Rachel feigns shock. "Do you know me at all?"

"What have you got so far?" Quinn asks with a laugh. Rachel scoots closer to Quinn and pulls out her phone to show her.

…

…

The ducks as it turns out belong to the Central Park Zoo.

On Saturday morning Quinn bundles Beth up – they had the first tiny snowfall already – and takes her on the subway to meet Brittany and Santana. The boys were going to have the apartment to themselves all day long (Kurt pulled Quinn into a grateful hug that morning) and Rachel had some theatre thing to go to for a class.

Brittany squeals when she catches sight of them and runs up to take Beth out of Quinn's arms. Santana glares jealously as Brittany spins Beth around and mostly ignores the two of them. "What the fuck Britt?"

Quinn elbows her.

"I am way cuter than that stupid lizard baby."

"No, not even a little bit." Quinn disagrees. Santana actually comes close to pouting, which is unnerving so Quinn walks up and takes Beth from her. "Go hug your girlfriend and then you can have her back." She orders. Brittany bounces over and starts making out with Santana.

Quinn hadn't thought to bring Beth's stroller and she is instantly regretting it. Brittany reaches over and puts Beth up on her shoulders, much in the same way Sam does and takes off at a run. Quinn almost screams and Brittany thankfully slows to a speedy walk.

The ducks fascinate Beth as much as they fascinate Brittany. Frankly, Quinn thinks they are loud and smell awful, but the smile on Beth's face is worth it. Quinn whips out her phone and takes an embarrassing amount of photos throughout the rest of the day. Her favorite, one of Beth standing by the cage, enraptured with a tiny baby duck Brittany is pointing out to her, gets sent to Puck, Rachel, Sam and her mom.

They spend far more time than either Quinn or Santana would like watching the ducks. Eventually, the two of them go find a bench to sit at a few feet away and leave Brittany and Beth to it.

"They just waddle and quack I really don't see the appeal."

"And they fucking smell." Santana adds.

The two of them purchase some hot chocolate and sip it intermediately as they watch the girls.

"So, my roommate is turning out to be a raging bitch." Santana announces out of nowhere. "She keeps leaving her shit _everywhere_. And like, I'm messy and whatever, but jesus fuck even _I'm_ not that bad. And she's dating this complete creep, I think maybe he's a drug dealer which, like, is a little impressive, except for the fact that he's a WASP who deals shitty pot to his WASPy friends. And god she makes the stupidest fucking noises when they have sex. It's like little pew, pews that make her sound like a cat. It's horrible."

"Ew, Santana I don't want to hear that."

"Neither do I! I mean, is a scrunchie on the doorknob really so hard to forget? Or like, don't bring him back there and do it even if she thinks I'm asleep. I mean fuck, I wake up."

"I...really don't want to hear anymore about this."

"Even I'm not that rude. Britt and I almost never have sex with other people in the room anymore."

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm already never going to get that picture out of my head, please don't bring it up anymore."

"You know you liked it."

"I did not!" Quinn hisses. "What kind of friends do that? We had been watching a movie. My mom could have come in with Beth at any moment."

"She didn't. And Britt got me off good." Santana smirks.

"Stop. Stop talking about it." Quinn begs. Santana only wriggles her eyebrows at her as Quinn shudders. "I hate you."

"You love me Q. You love me more than anyone."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"I love Beth way more than you. Also Sam."

"What!" Santana yells. "I am definitely above Sam. I've known you longer. And we've seen each other naked, and you've heard me have an orgasm."

Quinn covers her ears. "Stop talking about it!" She yells. An old lady near them glares at her. Quinn glares back and she turns around after making a face at Quinn.

"Say I'm above Sam and I will. It goes Beth then me right?"

"No."

"Yes it does!" Santana protests. Quinn turns and looks at her. She looks like a petulant child. It's a little bit hilarious. Of course Santana comes after Beth, but Santana doesn't need to know that.

"Nope."

"Who's after? Not fucking Judy, she kicked you out!"

"Santana!"

"What she _did_, I automatically get above that." Santana frowns and bites at the corner of her hot chocolate cup. "If you say Puck I'll actually kill you. It's not Puck is it. Tell me you're not pining over Puck."

"God no. It's not Puck. He's pretty far down, but he makes the list."

"Britt?"

Quinn just smiles. Santana crosses her arms and actually does pout this time. Quinn knows if she were with anyone but Quinn or Brittany she would never act like this. It makes Quinn enjoy it all the more.

"Of course it's you, you idiot. Beth, then you, then Sam, then Britt, then my mom. Duh." Quinn stands up and shivers. "Come on, let's get them I'm freezing."

"I knew it!" Santana chucks her empty cup into a trash can with verve.

They go get some lunch and consider seeing a movie. Quinn wants to, but she's not sure how long Beth will last. She's getting fussy and would probably do well with a nap. Quinn grabs her phone and texts Rachel, asking if she's done with her class.

_'I just got back why?'_

_'Can I come let Beth take a nap in your dorm? Britt and San want to go see a movie, if you're not busy, we can hang out while Beth sleeps? If not, don't worry about it.'_

_'No that sounds wonderful! Bring her over.'_

The foursome head over to Brittany and Rachel's dorm. Quinn hasn't seen it yet. It's a nice room, bigger than Santana's, neater too. Brittany wants to put Beth down and goes about shedding her many layers and helping her in the bathroom across the hall. Santana flops down on Brittany's bed and glares at Rachel. To her credit and Quinn's surprise, Rachel doesn't look uncomfortable at all. She simply smiles and asks Santana how her classes are going. Quinn watches, astounded at the way the two of them make small talk. Santana used to mostly just ignore Rachel, now she humors her. If Quinn's reading her right, she actually seems to like Rachel. It's both amazing and hilarious.

Brittany comes back in with Beth and she looks dead tired and reaches out for Quinn with a cry the second she sees her.

"Right well that's our cue, come on Britt. See ya later nerds." Santana jumps up, grabs Brittany's hand and yanks her out of her own dorm.

Rachel shifts awkwardly as Quinn lays Beth down in Brittany's bed, rubbing her back. "Mama sing." Beth orders. Quinn bites her lip nervously. She only sings with Beth these days, and she's never been very comfortable singing in front of Rachel. She watches Rachel's face light up and stifles a groan.

"Um..."

Rachel perches on the edge of her bed eagerly and waits. Quinn can see her trying to keep herself quiet. She sighs.

"What song baby?"

Beth shrugs and lets out a whine. "Sing." She demands.

Quinn shoots an awkward look to Rachel who can't contain herself any longer. "I'd be happy to duet with you." She offers.

Beth looks over at Rachel for the first time since coming into the dorm. Quinn watches her take Rachel in. There's a little recognition there, but not a ton since she's this fussy and tired. Beth glares at her and Quinn has to bite back a laugh. "You know Beth, Rachel is an amazing singer. Do you want her to sing you a song?" Quinn doesn't even need to ask to know that Rachel would take a solo without hesitation.

Beth frowns and tugs on Quinn's arm, shaking her head. "No, Mama sing!"

Quinn sighs. She's not getting out of this one. She takes a breath and sings lightly, _'blackbird singing in the dead of night...'_

She can feel Rachel watching her the entire time, but doesn't take her eyes off Beth for a second. After she's gone through the song twice, Beth's out cold. Quinn tucks Brittany's blanket in a bit more and finally turns to face Rachel. She has been uncharacteristically silent the whole time.

"So, how's my pitch?" Quinn asks dryly.

The smile that was already on Rachel's face widens. "You've stopped working on your breath control, we can fix that within twenty minutes."

Quinn chokes out a laugh and moves off of Brittany's bed cautiously. Of course Rachel's going to give her honest notes.

"But you're voice is as lovely as ever Quinn. The Beatles are a nice lullaby choice. I approve."

"Oh well thank god." Quinn mocks sarcastically.

Rachel throws a pillow at her. Quinn catches it and uses it to covers her mouth, not wanting to wake up Beth with her laughter.

"Want to get something to eat?" Rachel asks.

"Um..." Quinn looks down at Beth.

"It's a suite, the kitchen's literally right over there, we'd hear her if she woke up."

"Okay. I mean, we had lunch so I'm not actually hungry, but I could go for a glass of water."

"Wonderful." Rachel claps and jumps up before freezing and looking down to Beth. "Sorry, I'm not used to being quiet."

"Yeah, I know. It's alright, she sleeps through almost anything. Santana used to spend the night all the time when she was a baby. And she's not quiet either. Beth learned to roll with it."

The two of them don't end up staying in the for kitchen very long. A gang of girls who share the kitchen with Rachel and Brittany pile in within minutes and start banging around, making some kind of hamburger-like feast. Rachel grimaces and suggests they watch a movie quietly in her room instead.

The two of them get comfortable on Rachel's bed, her laptop propped up between them and watch 'The Way We Were.' Quinn has never seen it – though she gets points for telling Rachel she has now seen 'Funny Girl'. Quinn gets pretty caught up in the story. She understands why Rachel admires Barbra Streisand so much. And Rachel beams when she tells her so.

Beth wakes up near the end of the film. Despite her moods lately, she always wakes up happy from her nap. She sits upright and grins, before rolling out of the bed, slamming down onto the floor and crawling over Rachel without a thought to get herself on Quinn's lap. Rachel giggles as Beth crawls on top of her. "What we watchin' Mama?" Beth asks.

"A musical. Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Beth nods and crawls off Quinn, looking around in confusion. "Mama where're we?"

"We're at Brittany and Rachel's dorm. Like when you go with Santana? It's their school."

"Okay, where potty?"

"I can show you if you'd like Beth." Rachel offers as she sits up a bit. Beth studies her for a moment and Rachel looks nervously to Quinn.

"Okay." Beth decides and holds her hand out. Rachel beams and practically jumps off the bed, taking Beth's hand and leading her out of the dorm. She turns and gives Quinn a tiny squeal. Quinn laughs at her and lays back in the bed, closing her eyes.

She should have known better. Beth runs in and jumps on Quinn, slamming into her legs as she crawls up her body. Quinn can hear Rachel laughing as Beth starts kissing Quinn's entire face. "Movie, Mama." Beth asks.

Quinn grabs her and hauls them both back up into a sitting position, leaving room for Rachel to climb back in next to them. "What do you say?" Quinn asks.

"Movie!"

Quinn shakes her head.

"Movie pease Mama."

"That's better."

Rachel starts the movie back up where they paused it, whispering the entirety of the previous plot to Beth. Quinn doesn't bother telling her that Beth is two and a half and has no idea what she is talking about, because Beth is listening intently and it's adorable. Quinn watches them instead of the movie and is surprised by how well they seem to get along. She wouldn't have honestly thought Rachel would be particularly good with toddlers.

Santana and Brittany come barreling into the dorm room mere seconds after the credits begin to roll. Barbra Streisand is still singing and Beth yells 'Tana!' happily and crawls over to jump up into her arms.

"Sup lizard."

Rachel grimaces. "You call her a lizard?"

"Yeah." Santana tickles Beth's stomach and she giggles, squirming to get out of her grasp. "Cause she's a little lizard."

"That's not a very dignified nickname."

"Really Yentl? I like it."

Rachel pouts. "Santana, in the name of friendship I beg of you to stop calling me that."

"Yeah...no."

"Tana, be nice to Mach." Beth orders.

"Mach huh?" Santana repeats with a laugh.

"Don't even think about." Rachel warns.

"Lizard, should we show Mach the game we play on Thursdays?"

"Oh, Rachel you better run." Quinn warns. "It involves tickling."

Rachel's eyes widen comically. "Santana, don't you _dare_."

Santana holds Beth out, her little arms up and ready, both of them laughing. Rachel squeals and jumps off the bed, running past them and out into the hall. Santana chases after her, yelling gleefully with Beth. Quinn just shakes her head as Brittany flops down onto the bed and cuddles into her.

"They're crazy." She announces.

Quinn hears Rachel screech and Santana let out a huge barking laugh. "You don't think San will actually kill her do you?"

"Not while Beth can see. She'll hide her first."

"Oh good." Quinn says dryly.

They hear a crash, another squeal from Rachel, a loud 'shit!' from Santana, and Beth giggling loudly. Brittany glances up at Quinn worriedly. "Maybe we should go check."

"Nah." Quinn says. "They're fine."

There is another loud crash. "Oh fuck!" Santana yells.

"Santana! There is a child present!" Rachel chastises.

"A child who's heard me swear a million times. Right Lizard?"

"Fuck!" Beth yells out happily. Apparently she has finally learned the 'f' sound. Quinn is going to kill Santana. She did promise after all.

She jumps up off the bed, Brittany running right behind her. "Santana!"


	4. Chapter 4

She wakes up with Santana's arm flung over her side, Beth smushed a little in between them.

It's not the first time this has happened, not even close. (Junior year Santana slept over all the time, the guest room had been transformed into Beth's nursery, and Frannie's room was _not to be touched_. She had made that very clear when she left for OSU six years ago.) Quinn squints at her, the thing is, she can't remember Santana being there last night. She was dead tired, but she doesn't think she was _that_ out of it. She shifts a little and Santana's grip tightens around her.

Quinn's ashamed about it, more ashamed than she is about most things, but the first time they woke up like this, Quinn freaked. It had been a couple of weeks after Santana had come out (been _forced_ out) and she wasn't with Brittany, and they'd been closer than ever before, and...well, she'd freaked. They had shared a bed before, but Quinn had never woken up to Santana cuddling her and she panicked. Wondering how the hell she was going to tell Santana that _that_ was never going to happen in a way that wouldn't make her a horrible person and Santana feel worse than she already did. She'd shifted away from her slightly, feeling uncomfortable and horrible until Santana just groaned and muttered, "fucking hell Q, you stink go shower" and rolled away from her. Quinn had instantly felt like the world's shittiest person and smiled, poking Santana's side.

"_I _smell?" She joked. "You're the one who had Cheerios practice last night. You reek, get out of my bed."

Santana had promptly kicked her. Quinn rolled over and wrapped her own arms around Santana's middle, squeezing tightly for a few seconds. She knew Santana knew what it meant, because she let herself be held for at least seven seconds before squirming and cursing at her again.

Quinn flips over, so she's facing Beth and Santana. Beth rustles a bit, but Santana's out cold. Quinn tugs her arms around Beth as she wakes, quickly but gently pulling her out of the bed so they don't wake Santana up.

"Mama." Beth murmurers, happily. It's almost always her first word every morning and it makes Quinn's heart jump a bit every time. Motherhood is...not easy – at _all – _and some days she really and truly _hates it_, but other times...it's kind of amazing.

Beth snuggles into her and Quinn kisses her before depositing her on the toilet. When they pad into the kitchen, Sam's in there, shirtless, with messy hair and making pancakes. "Morning." She says and takes a sip of his coffee while Beth dives from her arms to his.

"Is Santana in your bed?" He asks. Quinn nods and finishes his coffee, pouring him a new cup and getting herself a banana. "When did she get here?"

"I have no idea. I didn't know she was 'till I woke up."

"She's got a key right? She didn't like...break a window or something? 'Cause that will really piss Kurt off. And me, a little."

"Nah, she's had a key for weeks."

Sam smirks. "Of course she has." He takes the spatula Beth is currently slamming against his head away from her. Quinn sits down at the table, props a leg up on her chair, and spreads some peanut butter on her banana. She makes a half hearted attempt to hide her grin as Beth frees herself from Sam's grip and crawls across the table top to take a bite without her hands.

"Ask, babe." Quinn tells her. Beth nods and mushes peanut butter all over her face as she takes a huge bite. Quinn reaches up and brushes some of Beth's hair out of her eyes, then takes her banana back. "Want a pancake?" She asks her daughter. Beth nods happily and goes to jump off the table to get one herself before Quinn reaches out and stops her. "Hold on."

"Morning everyone." Kurt says, coming into the kitchen looking perfectly coiffed. "Are we all aware there is a vaguely Santana-like shape in Quinn's bed?"

"Is there a particular reason this is shocking to anyone?" Quinn asks.

"It's not shocking in the slightest, I was simply wondering when exactly she got in. Because _I_ didn't let her in, and Sam went to bed before I did, and _you_ went to bed before the both of us."

"She's got a key." Quinn mumbles.

Kurt quirks an eyebrow at her while he digs out his organic cereal. Rachel turned him on to it. Quinn thinks it tastes like eating cardboard mixed with dirt. "Does she now?" He asks. Quinn pointedly busies herself with Beth. "I don't remember giving Santana a key to our apartment." He directs at Sam. Quinn shoots him a look from across the table, Sam just shrugs at her a little sheepishly. He can deal with his boyfriend, Quinn's a bit sick of it. The mere presence of either herself or Beth seems to drive Kurt crazy these days. Quinn mostly stays out of his way and tries to keep Beth as far away from him as possible whenever he's in a mood.

"I think she had one made herself." Sam tells him. Kurt tuts, but doesn't say another word.

They eat breakfast mostly in silence. Kurt heads off to work after giving Sam a kiss (and Quinn a pointed glare) and Quinn cleans up the kitchen while Beth plays.

"So..." Sam says after a minute.

"I don't know why she's here Sam, but I honestly don't see why it's such a big deal. I'll tell her to call first if he's gonna be such a pain about it." Quinn says, slightly exasperated.

"No, that's –" he runs his fingers through his hair. He's still shirtless and Quinn doesn't know how he's not freezing. "– that's not what I was gonna say. Thanksgiving's in like...a week. Kurt's dad invited us, I was just wondering if you were going to your mom's? Or...like what your plans were? I know Rachel is flying out with us to see her dads, I dunno about Brittany or Santana."

"Oh." Quinn honestly hadn't even thought about it. She hasn't talked to her mom in over a week at least. "Um, I dunno actually. I'll call her later and let you know?"

"Okay, cool."

…

…

Santana finally graces the world with her presence shortly after noon. Quinn snorts as she pads out of her bedroom, full on bedhead, rubbing her eyes, and shivering in a t-shirt (that Quinn had borrowed from Sam) and underwear. She immediately heads over to Quinn and yanks the blanket off of her and covers herself with it.

Quinn pulls it back so the blanket at least covers some of her legs and balances her math book on her knees. Santana slumps down against her shoulder. "Britt and I got in a fight." She admits with a sigh. Her voice is small and childlike and still full of sleep.

Quinn turns and drops her head against Santana's. "What'd you do?"

"Why do you think _I _did something?" She asks defensively. Quinn just kicks her leg at Santana, who huffs in return. "It wasn't just me." She says in a whisper.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Quinn asks, knowing Santana's only gonna talk about whatever is going on with her and Brittany in her own due time. "Sam and Kurt are going to Lima. Apparently Rachel is too."

"Yeah, my mom wants me to come home, Britt's going. I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving."

"Me either." Quinn admits. "I think my mom wants to go to Frannie's. And I think my dad will be there."

Santana lifts her head up. "What?"

"Yeah, I guess they've been, _talking __amicably,_ her words, and so..." she trails off and shrugs. "I dunno, but it's not really something I want to do at all."

"What a bitch."

"Santana, don't." Quinn warns.

Santana sits up fully now and turns to glare at Quinn. "Q, come on. She _knows_. She knows what he's done, what _she_ helped let him do. How can she just – "

Quinn shakes her head. "I don't know but, I didn't really want to go back anyway, now I have a valid reason that she won't be mad at me for."

"Why didn't you want to go back? I mean I'm not Lima's biggest fan _at all_ but – " she shrugs, "– a day or two ain't gonna kill me. And I miss my mom." The two of them are silent for moment, the only noise in the room is Beth obliviously playing with a Wonder Woman action figure of Sam's. "What about Puck's?" Santana asks.

Quinn shoots her a dubious look.

"Well it's an idea!" Santana says, attempting to defend herself. "Have you talked to him lately? Is he expecting you guys to come home?"

Quinn groans. "I have no idea. We barely talk anymore. I mostly just send him pictures of Beth when she does something cute. You probably talk to him more than I do."

Santana sits quietly and Quinn goes back to her homework. She can't wait until this semester is over and she never has to do another math problem again. Out of the corner of her eye Quinn catches Santana sticking her foot out and nudging Beth. Beth grins and smacks her foot away. Santana nudges her again and Beth lets out a giggle. Quinn tries to ignore them and do her work but Santana gives a third push and Beth topples over, laughing hysterically.

"Gotcha." Santana says with a smirk. Beth rolls over and crawls up Santana's leg, biting her. "Ow! You little demon that hurt."

"Beth." Quinn warns, sharply. "No biting."

Beth pouts and Quinn can see her gearing up to a full blown fit, and she _has_ to get this work done. She sighs and goes to put her book away, but Santana stands up and grabs Beth. "Let's make breakfast Lizard. You can bite that all you want."

"It's lunchtime." Beth informs her.

"Well, it's breakfast for me." Santana says, and spins around. Quinn mouths a _thank you_ and gets back to work.

…

…

Once Beth's down for her nap and Quinn's done so many math problems she can barely see straight she shoves her book onto the floor.

Santana tuts. "I seem to recall getting yelled at about 48 dollars a few weeks ago. Pretty caviler about chucking that."

"It's symbolic." Quinn says, and slams her head down into the pillow.

"Symbolic for what?"

Quinn shrugs and doesn't lift her head from the pillow. Moments later, she feels Santana sit down and use her back as a chair. "Get off." She mumbles. Santana only bounces up and down. "Ow, bitch. Stop."

Santana just laughs and slides off, poking Quinn's side until she finally raises her head. "Let's get drunk."

"I don't drink."

"Let's get _me_ drunk." Santana amends.

"And do what with my toddler?"

Santana makes a face. "Yeah, she's becoming a hindrance to my college experience."

"Hindrance?"

"I'm in college now bitch, I know big words."

Quinn bops her on the head with a couch pillow. "I'm sorry my kid's an inconvenience for you."

"Oh shut the fuck up Q, I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

"There's some kind of really gross and cheep vodka under the sink. Go knock yourself out."

"You want me to drink cheep booze, alone, with you and a two year old? That is...the literal epitome of pathetic."

"She's two and a half."

"Jesus fuck." Santana groans, and stands up to go get the vodka. Quinn just rolls her eyes. She curls up under the blanket and watches Santana pour herself a generous shot of vodka into a coffee mug. When Santana flops down next to Quinn's side, she takes a sip and grimaces. "This is fucking nasty." She declares and takes a second sip.

"You know it's 1:15 in the afternoon right?"

"Is that a judge-y tone of voice I hear? Pregnant at fifteen."

"I'll slap you."

"I'll slap you back."

"What'd you do to Brittany?" Quinn asks, with a harshness in her voice she wasn't expecting. She loves Santana, but the whole popping in unannounced, getting her into more trouble with Kurt, bitchy caviler thing is pissing Quinn off. If she's honest, it's a little less to to with Santana than it is her own mood and her nerves just being on edge already, but it is what it is. Santana shoots her a glare, a tint of hurt in her eyes and Quinn sighs, "what happened?" she asks softly.

"Fuck if I know." Santana takes a swig and almost downs the entire mug. It's impressive and disgusting all at once. When she starts choking, Quinn slaps her on the back and smirks. "Shut...up." She wheezes through coughs.

Santana appears do be doing things the hard way, which is annoying, but predictable. "Kurt's pissed at you, which means he's pissed at me, which he always is these days, so call before you come over."

"You were all asleep. That's the whole point of the key."

"Which is what he's pissed about."

"Lady Hummel needs to chill the fuck out."

"I agree, but nonetheless..." Quinn waves her hand in the air and sighs.

"I vote we do Thanksgiving here. You, me and Lizard. I miss my mom, but I'll go home for Christmas. We were never big on Thanksgiving anyway, I doubt she'll care that much."

"That..." Quinn smiles softly at her, "yeah, that sounds good." She takes the empty mug away before Santana can go fill it again. "Try to use the key when Kurt's not here okay? I am finding it much harder to give a shit what bothers him these days, but I live with the guy, I've got to be civil at least."

"Fine." Santana flops down onto the spot Quinn just vacated. "Fill me up again."

Against her better judgement, Quinn pours Santana another shot in the mug – normal sized – and hides the rest of the booze while she's not looking.

…

…

Rachel shows up at five in the morning.

Due to Beth, Quinn is half awake and ends up being the one to answer the door. She's disheveled, sans bra and in a ratty Hulk t-shirt of Sam's. "Shit." Quinn says in way of greeting. Rachel has already dried her hair and has some makeup on. "What..._why_?"

"Are the boys almost ready? Our flight's at seven." She asks, in a fair more chipper tone of voice than is called for this early in the morning. It's then that Quinn notices the bags in Rachel's hands – way more than any one person could possibly need for three days.

"It's _five_ Rachel."

"Which means we need to get going soon. JFK is an incredibly busy airport and it's a holiday weekend."

Quinn sighs and just opens the door, holding her hand out and walking away. She's not going home, she does not need to deal with this. "You're welcome to go wake them up, I'm going back to sleep."

"How have I not been here yet? Can you give me the tour?"

Quinn shoves some hair out of her face, she hasn't decided yet if she's going to grow it out or not but she needs a haircut soon regardless. "That's the kitchen, we're standing in the living room, their room is right there and that one's mine. The bathroom is the small open door with the toilet, and thus concludes the tour. It's not that impressive."

"It's _yours_. Your own home. It's incredibly impressive."

"Well...me casa es su casa, I'm going to bed."

Rachel grabs her arm. "Happy Thanksgiving Quinn, sorry I woke you."

Quinn smiles tiredly. "Thanks Rach, you too." She really does want to just go back to sleep, but if nothing else, her mother has beat being a good hostess into her head. "Want coffee? They're not gonna be up for at least half an hour."

"I...you can go back to sleep, I'll just –"

"Rach, do you want coffee or not?"

"I'd love some actually." She admits with a sheepish smile.

"I'll be right back, go have a seat." Quinn heads back to her bedroom and digs around until she finds an old Cheerios hoodie. She yanks it over her head and attempts to brush her unruly hair with her fingers. Beth has thankfully gone back to sleep, but Quinn knows that won't last for very long. The only socks she can find are probably dirty but her feet are so cold she doesn't care. When she pads back into the kitchen, Rachel drops the coffee grounds.

"Sorry!" She whispers. "I was trying to...your coffeemaker is difficult to use."

"You pour them in the top, add water, and hit the button." Quinn says wryly.

"I...don't make fun of me. I'm not technologically advanced."

"It's not technology."

"Shut up." Rachel says, trying to hide a grin.

It's contagious and Quinn matches it before bumping Rachel out of the way with her hip. "Go sit. If you break this I will definitely flunk out. And I'll have no problem blaming you for it."

Rachel sits, primly, and folds her hands. Quinn kicks the machine to life and pops up on the counter while it brews. "So...you're not coming home?" Rachel asks. Quinn shakes her head. "Why not? Isn't...don't you miss your mom? I miss my dads so much."

"Rachel, my relationship with my mother is a lot different than I imagine your relationship with your fathers is."

"But I thought...I thought you guys got along now. I mean, you moved back home and she – it seemed like the last year or so of high school things were okay."

"They were –" she searches for the right word while Rachel waits patiently for once. "– _Not terrible_." She finally settles on. "I doubt I'll ever really trust her again. I mean, it was better than it ever really was when I was a kid but...it was always like I was still walking around on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop you know?"

"Not really." Rachel admits. "But I understand what you're saying."

The coffeemaker crackles with finality and Quinn jumps down, pulling out two mugs and filling them up. She pours a little sugar in hers then pauses. "I dunno how you like coffee." She admits.

"A little cream and sugar please. More cream than sugar."

Quinn nods, and makes up the coffee before handing it over and climbing back up on the counter. Something about going to sit next to Rachel feels...she doesn't know, but not like something she wants to do right now. Not this early, in her apartment, with Quinn so utterly confused about what she's feeling. The counter is safer.

They mostly sip their coffee in silence. It's awkward. Quinn has just never felt comfortable with Rachel. They've progressed certainly, Quinn wouldn't hesitate to call them friends and feel like she means it, but comfortable enough to sit together in silence they are not.

When Sam comes bleary-eyed into the kitchen a few minutes later, Quinn has downed her coffee just for something to do with her hands. She jumps off the counter immediately to hug Sam. It confuses him, and probably Rachel, and if she's honest, she has no idea why she does it. "Morning." He says with a sleepy laugh. "Hey Rach, Kurt's in the shower, and we packed last night, so we should be good to leave in like...twenty minutes or so?"

"Okay. Anything I can do to help?"

"Nah." Sam releases Quinn and takes her empty mug, filling it for himself and taking far too large a swig. "Oh shit." He yells, as he burns his tongue.

"Idiot." Quinn punches him. She hears Beth cry and walks out of the room with a weird little wave, leaving Sam and Rachel to it. Beth's a little fussy, which isn't normal for mornings. She immediately clings to Quinn and coughs. "Aw babe." Quinn feels her forehead and it's warm. "Crap."

"Mama, no good." Beth whines.

Quinn hoists her up and goes to find the thermometer she knows is probably somewhere in the bathroom. Thankfully, Kurt is just leaving, wrapped in a towel, his hair already styled. "Hey." She greets him. "You know where the thermometer is?"

"Probably in the cabinet somewhere, is she sick?" He points to Beth.

"She's warm, I dunno yet." Quinn pushes past him gently and readjusts Beth in her arms as she digs around the medicine cabinet.

"Quinn..." He starts, "I...look I know I've been a little – I know we've had our differences the last few weeks."

Quinn doesn't say anything in response. He's been a dick and he knows it. She finds the thermometer and pops it into Beth's mouth before turning to Kurt.

"I'm sorry, is what I wanted to say. It's...my ideal collegiate experience didn't include sharing an apartment with Quinn Fabray and her toddler while commuting to a community college in Queens from Long Island City." He gives her what she assumes is a disparaging laugh and she can't help it, it works. Kurt annoys her a good 40% of the time, but she's forgotten recently that the other 60% can be pretty great. Sam loves him for a reason. He's _her friend_ for a reason. She remains quiet and pulls the thermometer out of Beth's mouth, 99.8. It's a fever, but it's not too high. Quinn digs out the baby Tylenol and gives some to Beth with a little coercion. "I've had to learn to adjust and I've been less than pleasant at times, so – I'm sorry."

"Thanks." Quinn says, sincerely. "But FYI, Santana's not giving up her key, and she's gonna keep dropping in whether you or I want her too. Contrary to popular belief, I can't actually control her."

"I..." he sighs, "I'm not exactly thrilled about that, but I'll mostly get over it."

"Happy Thanksgiving Kurt, have fun."

"You too. I'll see you when we get back. Hope she gets better. There's tea in the pantry, she's old enough to have a little."

…

…

In half an hour, Quinn's bid all three of them goodbye – Rachel got in two hugs and Quinn had to pry Beth out of Sam's arms. The medicine knocks Beth out and Quinn decides to get some studying done while she can.

She was clearly more tired than she realized, because when she wakes up, it's well after noon and Santana is just coming through her front door.

"Sup bitches."

Quinn just groans at her and sneezes.

Great, she's sick too.

…

…

Santana quarantines the both of them in Quinn's room, depositing food and water occasionally. She and Beth spend the next two days mostly in and out of consciousness.

They miss Thanksgiving altogether.

When Quinn finally wakes up fully, it's nearly noon the day after Thanksgiving. Beth grins up happily at her and Quinn gives her a kiss after feeling her forehead. It seems normal. She gets the sheets off her bed and into the wash before finding Santana studying on their couch.

"I'm sorry."

Santana looks up in confusion. "For what?"

"You should have just gone home, we made you miss Thanksgiving."

"I'm the one who offered to stay, and frankly I'm surprised you haven't been sick yet this semester. Also, I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving. Football is stupid, and I'm not about gratefulness at all. I got a ton of shit done, I won't have to do any homework for like a week." She declares happily. "I _am_ hungry though, and you're the better cook, so get on that and gimme the baby."

Quinn throws a pillow at her. "Thanks jerk." She says, and goes to find some food; because she hasn't eaten hardly anything in the last two days and she is _starving_.

…

…

They don't have any turkey, but Quinn whips up some mashed potatoes that taste like _God_ and what her mother used to call 'green bean goop' when she and Frannie were kids. Santana wolfs it down and makes noises similar to the time Quinn walked in on her and Brittany. Quinn tells her so and gets smacked for her troubles.

"I was a bitch." She says as they are washing the dishes and Beth is playing in the living room.

"Huh?"

"To Britt." Santana adds. "She's...we hardly ever see each other. She's always doing stuff with her new friends, so..."

"So you were a bitch." Quinn finishes for her.

"Yeah." Santana sighs. "Nobody'd get that but you."

"Why?"

"Cause you're a bitch too."

"Fuck you." Quinn splashes her with bubbles. Santana retaliates by dumping a cup of water all over her head. "Bitch!" Quinn squeals. "I just got over being sick!"

"Serves you right asshole."

Quinn grabs the dish soap and gets some in Santana's mouth before she even has a chance to scream. They're both on the floor, rolling around and mostly slapping at each other when Beth comes in to see what all the commotion is.

"Mama, Tana, no hitting." She orders, and crosses her arms, doing an almost perfect imitation of Quinn. It's unnerving and adorable all at once and they both burst out into a fit of giggles and release each other.

"Sorry Beth. You're right. Hitting's not okay."

"Sometimes it is." Santana mutters under her breath. Quinn elbows her and gets up off the floor.

…

…

They spend the rest of their vacation much the same. It's a bit pathetic, but they mostly just study, eat and sleep.

It's nice, Quinn sometimes wishes she was living with Santana instead. Her being over an hour away is not Quinn's favorite thing at all.

…

…

The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas flies by.

Before Quinn knows it, finals are everywhere and she can barely see straight from all the reading and lack of sleep.

The one shining light in all this is that Beth seems to have finally gotten over the terrible twos despite not yet being three. She's still a kid, and the occasional temper tantrum happens, but it's like a new leaf has been turned over. Quinn's never been more grateful for anything in her life, because she is barely hanging on between her classes and shifts at work.

She, Sam and Kurt all sort of just stumble around each other and fall asleep on their books. Someone makes sure Beth is fed and just sets her up in front of their small tv, one disney movie after another. One more than one occasion, Quinn wakes up with Santana in her bed. Apparently, the roommate is becoming more and more of a bitch.

Everyone is so tired Kurt doesn't even seem to give a shit. Quinn even catches him covering her with a blanket after she falls asleep on the couch.

…

…

Quinn stumbles out of her last test and almost does the cheesy air punch from The Breakfast Club. She's never been more happy to have something be over in all her life. She's done all she can, and now all she has left to do is worry whether or not it was enough.

Her final grades need to be a 3.0 or higher to keep her scholarship and she won't know for at least a week, if not longer.

Rather than dwelling on something she can't do anything else about, Quinn drops Beth off with Mrs Landingham and goes out with her friends.

For some ungodly reason, Kurt and Rachel pick a gay bar.

Quinn spends the majority of the evening sitting in their booth, sipping a lot of water while her friends dance. It's only when Brittany bounds over and pulls her to the dance floor does she eventually relax. Brittany can make anyone feel comfortable anywhere and dancing with her is the easiest thing in the world.

Somewhere near the end of the night, a redhead catches Quinn's eye and smirks at her in such a way that has Quinn blushing profusely. Before she can run to the bathroom or something, the girl appears next to her and introduces herself.

"I'm not...I –" Quinn stutters and tries to take a step back as the girl (Tammy, she thinks) puts a hand on her waist.

Before Quinn can think of something to extract herself from this situation immediately, Santana wraps an arm around her shoulder and bends forward, placing a kiss very near Quinn's lips. "Hey babe, I was wondering where you went."

Tammy frowns, but heads off with an apology.

"Aw, Quinnie, you're popular tonight." Santana says as two other girls eye Quinn.

"Why are we at a gay bar?" Quinn whines.

"Cause I'm gay? And so's Kurt, and Sam and B are bi and Rachel is like...the single gayest human ever to live. You're very, very outnumbered. Also, dude, would you rather have gross guys leering all over you?"

"No."

"And with that, go dance with Brittany, I'm tired and I have to pee."

…

…

The day before they are going home to Lima for the holidays, Quinn's grades are in.

She spends the morning refreshing her school email account and pacing in front of her laptop. Somehow, everyone else has gotten their grades in before her and their apartment has become the meeting place before they all go to the airport. Santana, Brittany and Rachel are in the living room with all their bags and they're just waiting on a cab.

"Shit." Quinn whispers, as soon as she sees that the grades are in. Her eyes scan the page quickly as her heart pounds. "I did it." She says, astonished. "I DID IT!" Quinn jumps off the bed, slams her laptop closed and runs into the living room. "3.1! I keep my scholarship!"

"AHH!" Rachel squeals and tackles her, Brittany not far behind. It's odd to hug someone so short and someone so tall at the same time.

"Awesome dude." Sam says as he high fives her.

"Congratulations Quinn." Kurt says, sincerely. A horn beeps from downstairs. "The cab's here, come on guys we've got to get to the airport."

They load up their many bags and Santana slinks an arm around her waist. "Fucking A." She whispers. And places a chaste kiss to her lips.

"Fuck off, you wish." Quinn says, and shoves her. But she's beaming. She somehow managed to survive her first semester of college. She's lost at least fifteen pounds, been so sleep deprived it's definitely unhealthy, was most likely bordering on very real depression, and is possibly going to have to revaluate some major life choices, but she _did it._

Quinn lets out a tiny laugh and climbs into the back of the cab, smushed in between Santana and Sam, Beth buckled in to her right, and feels happier than she has in months.


	5. Chapter 5

**Pretend The Little Mermaid only just opened on Broadway.**

* * *

Quinn stares at her mother and doesn't say a word.

"Quinine, I..."

"Is this a _joke_?" She spits out.

"No. But—he's not the same as you remember. He's been going to therapy! We're trying to be civil."

"Does he want to be civil with _me_? Does he want to meet his granddaughter?" Quinn snarls, not even bothering to hold back the venom in her voice. This was not how she expected her Christmas vacation to go at all, and she really doesn't care about her mother's feelings right now.

She had come home with everyone else, exhausted from the flight and eager to go to sleep and enjoy an actual break. No school for the next month, her mothers cooking, just enjoying the holiday with her family. She certainly hadn't expected her mother to tell her that she had begun dating her father again.

"It's not _dating_." Judy insists. "We've been talking, eating meals, trying to learn to get along with each other again."

"Mom, the last time I checked, that's pretty much the definition of dating." Quinn retorts. "How... why even bother with the divorce last year? What was the point? The minute I'm gone you're just—back to him?"

"No, Quinnie, I—"

"—save it Mom." Quinn bites out. Thankfully, she hasn't really unpacked yet, just pulled out the few things she and Beth needed the day before. Her mother hadn't mentioned her father once yesterday. She'd greeted Quinn warmly, and had barely let Beth out of her arms since. All the sudden, Quinn wakes up, comes downstairs to get some coffee, and her mother tells her that she's dating her father. "I'm leaving." Quinn says while hurriedly shoving some things back into her bags.

"What? Quinnie, no—don't..."

"I'm leaving, _Mother_." Quinn picks up a still sleepy Beth and stamps outside. Judy follows, begging her to stay as Quinn buckles a fussy Beth into Judy's car. Quinn slams the door and stills when her mother grabs her elbow. "He disowned me." She says through clenched teeth. "He ceased to be my father because I made a mistake. I did everything he asked for fifteen years and I made one mistake and he called me a whore and told me to get out of his life. He—God, he's done nothing but make you miserable. You think Frannie and I didn't pick up on any of that? You guys never made each other happy. Ever. And...I'm your _daughter_—and you don't even care."

"I _care_ Quinnie. I just want to see if I can repair my relationship with my husband."

"Ex-husband! You divorced him last year."

"Quinn—"

"If he wants to apologize, or meet his granddaughter, or god forbid—send us some money so I can focus on school and less on if I have time to pick up shifts at work, and study, and take care of Beth. Then tell him to call me. Until then—I don't want to talk to you, or him," Quinn chokes out a harsh laugh. "And Frannie's never given a shit about me, so I'm not holding my breath there either." Quinn climbs into the driver's seat and turns on the car. She's near to sobbing now, and Beth is crying out from the backseat.

Judy grabs the window frame desperately. "Quinn, please..."

"It's—it's him or me Mom. Unless something changes," Quinn sighs and puts the car in reverse, "don't call me."

Her mother's face is pained, and there's tears in her eyes, but Quinn ignores her and pulls out of the driveway. She'll have to return the car at some point, but right now she just can't be there anymore.

…

…

Santana doesn't even look surprised when she opens her front door.

"She's dating him." Quinn explains. Santana suppresses what was sure to be a long stream of curses as her mother walks up behind her.

"Quinn?" Maribel says in surprise. Quinn knows she looks like shit. She's still crying a little, and Beth is trying to dive out of her arms, mumbling about 'Mama and Grammy fighting', and Maribel—God Quinn loves her—just pushes Santana out of the way and opens the door fully. "Oh, **cariño**, come in. Mija, don't just stand there, help her with her bags! I crié mejor que eso!" Maribel takes Beth and somehow calms her in an instant, taking her into the kitchen and leaving Quinn with Santana. Before Quinn can say anything else, Santana just hauls Quinn's bag over her shoulder and leads her upstairs.

…

…

Santana drives Judy's car back to Quinn's house. She won't say, but Quinn's pretty sure she yelled at her mother.

Quinn spends the whole of Christmas with Santana and her parents. Maribel and Carlos are the kind of parents Quinn wishes hers could be. They barely blink at the appearance of a teenage mother and her child—just set out two extra places at the table, and stuff Beth with Christmas cookies.

On Christmas day, Quinn takes Beth over to the Puckermans. She can't believe how much older Sarah looks—she's grown, only a few inches shorter than Quinn now. Gina is still not Quinn's biggest fan, but thankfully it has come to some sort of truce between them.

Quinn spends most of the afternoon painting Sarah's nails and showing her what moves to use if she wants to get on the Cheerios next year. Gina and Puck play with Beth until she gets too fussy and Quinn bids them all a merry christmas.

Santana had planned to stay home all winter break, but Quinn only took a week off at the coffee shop. She offers to come back with Quinn, but Quinn won't let her. "You stayed with us for Thanksgiving, have fun, I'll see you in a two weeks."

"Quinn—"

"No, San, really. It's fine. It'll be kinda nice just me and Beth. I'll call you, I promise."

It's proof that they really are growing up that Santana just bites her tongue and nods, pulling Quinn in for a hug.

…

…

It's both horrible and lovely just her and Beth. Her manager at the coffee shop being afraid of her comes in handy, and Quinn manages to cut her hours a bit since she is down a few babysitters. With nothing to study, and no roommates, suddenly, Quinn has no idea what to do with herself and her almost three year old.

They go to the park a lot, build some snowmen, and sleep in pillow forts in the living room. Quinn even takes Beth up to Rockefeller center and shows her the Christmas tree (Beth stares at it silently for half an hour). She wishes she had enough money saved up to take Beth to the theatre.

On a whim, she texts Rachel before New Years. An excited reply involving lots of exclamation points tells her to go wait in line at the Tkts booth.

She does just that, and by sheer luck somehow manages to get tickets for _The Little Mermaid_ for just under 60 bucks a piece. Quinn decides to splurge. Beth is old enough that she totally retains movies and stories—and goddamnit, it's Christmas.

Quinn makes sure to explain to Beth about needing to be quiet during the show. But it becomes a moot point when Rachel calls and Skypes with Beth for nearly forty minutes beforehand, going over proper theatre etiquette. Quinn has no unearthly idea how, but Beth actually sits and listens nearly the whole time. Nodding eagerly at the right moments.

"Rachel, she's two and a half." Quinn moans as she tries to pull Beth's hair back into a ponytail. "And were gonna be late if you don't stop. She won't be able to stand for an ovation anyway."

"Quinn Fabray, you had better hold her up in the air then. Standing to show your appreciation is essential. I—"

"—Rachel!" Quinn yells. "We'll stand. I promise. Now, can we go?"

"Yes! Yes, go have an amazing time. Oh I wish I could be there. I've heard excellent things about Sierra Boggess. And Sherie Rene Scott has one of the best belts I've heard. On the demos for the show I've heard—"

"Rachel..." Quinn groans, feeling another tangent coming on.

"Right, go. Call me immediately afterwards. Actually, call me during intermission if you can."

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose while Beth falls over trying to get into her boots. "Okay." She agrees, needing to just get Rachel off the line before they end up missing the show entirely.

"I can't believe I'm going to miss her first broadway show." Rachel whines. "This is torture. I want to see her face."

Quinn can't help but smile at that. "You'll see it after. And I'll let you take her to a show some other time."

"But this is her first." Rachel protests. "It's magical." She draws out the word magical in a way that somehow doesn't make it sound incredibly corny.

"It's gonna be 120$ wasted if we don't leave right now."

"Now Mama!" Beth yells, tugging on Quinn's arm. "Bye Mach!"

"Remember to clap after every song, don't talk while the actors are speaking, and stand up at the end!" Rachel yells. "Have an amazing time Beth!" Her voice drops down to normal and she beams at Quinn. "You too. Enjoy it Quinn."

"I will."

…

…

Quinn can't remember having more fun. Beth's behavior would have made Rachel ecstatic. Thankfully, they were seeing a Disney show, so there were lots of other young children in attendance. A few excited cheers and small screams weren't frowned upon. That doesn't stop Beth from leaning over and whispering to a boy of about seven or so; "you're not allowed to talk when the actors say their lines," in a hiss that is such a perfect imitation of Rachel that Quinn nearly falls out of her seat.

True to her word, Quinn pulls out her cellphone and calls Rachel during intermission. She barely has a second to say hello before Beth pulls it away from her.

"Mach! It's awesome!" Beth yells excitedly. "Ariel's pretty, Ursula's scary, and the dancing's really good!" She looks up to Quinn with a smile. "And I'm being _really_ good."

"Yes you are, can I have the phone?" Quinn asks. Beth readily hands it over and turns to stand up in her chair, inspecting the entire theatre while she has the chance. "Hey Rachel."

"AHH! How is it? Is it amazing? You've got to take a picture of her watching it. How was Sierra's 'Part of Your World'? What about Sherie's act one number? I—"

"Rachel, they're flicking the lights we gotta go."

"Take a picture of her watching!" Rachel yells as Quinn hangs up with a laugh. Beth turns around in her seat and flops down, clasping her hands in her lap excitedly. Before Quinn puts her phone back in her purse, she quickly snaps a shot of Beth and sends it to Rachel before the lights go down.

…

…

The second semester of her freshman year starts, and Quinn feels like she can actually handle things now. She's taking two less classes than the semester before—trying not to burn herself out—and it helps immensely. It's going to take her a little longer to graduate, but it's going to keep her healthy, so she does it.

Two weeks into the new semester, a boy—who introduces himself as Jeff—pulls her aside and asks her out after their child psychology class.

It shocks her so much she trips and almost falls over. Jeff—apparently has catlike reflexes—reaches out and steadies her just in time. "Sorry." He says with a laugh. "Y'all right?" He has the tiniest hint of an accent she can't place, and god he's handsome, and Quinn doesn't know how to react at all except to just nod dumbly. "So—about that date?"

"Umm—" Quinn looks up at him in what is probably coming off as some sort of weird panic. "Can... I'm kind of late actually, I've got to make the subway and get to work but," she hesitates, "gimme your hand." She orders, and doesn't wait for him. She grabs his hand and scribbles her cell number near his thumb. "Bye." She says awkwardly, and runs away.

The minute she makes her train, her cellphone dings with a new message.

_'are you busy this friday?'-jeff_

"Shit." Quinn mumbles, and quickly calls Santana. "Some guy asked me out." She says, panicked, before Santana can say a word.

"Oh, cool. Is he hot?"

"What? I—he's very handsome, but I—"

"So...what's the problem? Is he a douche?"

"I—Santana, I haven't dated anyone since I barely dated _Sam_. So really, I haven't dated anyone since Finn. When I was fifteen. I haven't gone on a date in almost three years. And my dates with Finn consisted of my ordering him around, eating at Breadstix and making out a little. I have no idea what this guy expects."

"First of all, chill. Second, do you want to go out with him?"

"I don't know." She honestly doesn't. And she can't voice the exact nature of her doubts without opening a whole other bag of worms that she is just not ready for yet. "I..."

"Q, when does he want to take you out?"

"Friday."

"Well, I'm going up to meet Britt then, so, we'll go somewhere near where he takes you and if he's sketchy, or you panic, we'll bust up his face for you."

Quinn snorts. "Okay." She whispers. In all honesty, it really can't hurt. If nothing else, it might make whatever the hell is so confusing right now slightly less. She hangs up on Santana when she starts talking about how it would be good if she _would_ just go off and get laid, and texts Jeff back, agreeing. Then she proceeds to panic.

…

…

"This amount of nerves can't be healthy." Kurt says. Quinn can feel his eyebrow raise at her back and just lets out what can only be called a whimper. It's embarrassing. "Okay, move. Move." He orders, and pushes her away from her closet. "Stand over there."

"Kurt..."

"Quiet!" He shoves through her clothes, pawing at everything. Quinn sits down on the edge of her bed and smiles as Beth runs into her room and jumps on top of her.

"She broke free!" Sam yells from the other room.

Beth grins and bashes her head onto Quinn's thigh. "I'm like The Flash! Can't catch me."

Kurt pulls out a yellow dress and hums at it for a moment before shaking his head and sticking it back in the closet. Quinn tickles Beth's side as Kurt pulls out two more dresses. "This one!" He finally decides, holding up a deep green sundress against his body.

"It's way too cold for that." Quinn complains.

"Nope, pair it with your thicker black tights, and—" he digs around and pulls out a black cardigan. "—this. And for accessories... your pearls. Makes you look rich and desirable."

"I want my necklace." Quinn protests, reaching up to finger the birthstones dangling around her neck.

"You wear that everyday." Kurt says with a huff.

"Because I like it." Quinn shoots him a glare. It's the necklace Rachel had given her, she wears it all the time. "It's fancy enough."

Kurt sighs. "Fine, get dressed and then we'll worry about your hair."

Quinn shoves him outside and dresses while Beth jumps up and down on the bed. "Where you goin' Mama?" She asks.

"I'm—on a date."

"What'sa date?"

"It's... it's when two people go out together and, they get food and talk. Sometimes they do other things, like go to a movie, or something like that."

"Like when we saw Ariel?"

Quinn smiles and turns around. "Yep, just like when you and me saw Ariel, a mother-daughter date. Can you zip me up baby?" She asks. Beth nods eager to help. "But this isn't quite like that, it's—it's a romantic date."

"What's that?" Beth grunts as she tugs the zipper up. Quinn's learned to pull her hair very far away long ago.

"Like how Sam and Kurt are boyfriends, or Santana and Britt? You know how they go out just themselves sometimes? Like that."

"And kiss? Tana and Britt kiss a lot."

Quinn smirks. "Yeah, that they do."

"So.. you're gonna go kiss a girl?"

"No!" Quinn yells. Beth looks at her a little funny and Quinn takes a breath. "I—I'm going with a boy. His name's Jeff. I'm not—" She sighs. Almost three might as well be the time to learn about human sexuality. "Look there's... okay, you know how Superman and Lois Lane are in love?" Beth nods, loving any analogy with superheroes. It's all Sam's fault. "Okay, well.. you know how Batwoman is in love with Maggie Sawyer? So, there's a difference. There's—" Quinn has no idea where she is going with this. It's too complicated. "Look, some boys grow up and fall in love with other boys, like Kurt. And some girls grow up and fall in love with other girls, like Santana. And some like both, like Sam and Britt. And others just like the opposite. Like... your dad only likes girls." Quinn pauses, Beth's head is tilted and she's frowning at her. "Does that make sense?"

"I think so."

"Okay well...yeah, so that's how it works. Now, should I wear my hair up or down?"

Beth stares, thinking over the options. Then crawls forward and pulls Quinn's hair up. "Do it half. Braid." She orders.

"Kurt? Can I braid my hair?" Quinn calls out. There's not point if he's just going to come in and tear it back down.

He's head pops around the doorframe. "No. I want it down."

"No!" Beth yells. "Just up top."

"Oh, okay, yes I approve."

"My idea." Beth informs him with a glare.

"And a very good one. Hurry up Quinn or you'll be late."

…

…

She's actually shaking like an idiot when she steps off the subway. She had agreed to meet Jeff at the restaurant, not wanting him to pick her up with Beth and Sam and Kurt in fricking Long Island City. It's bitterly cold out and Quinn wishes that she'd worn a hat, but it would have mussed up her hair. Instead, she tugs her scarf a little tighter and shoves her gloved hands into her pockets. The restaurant is impressive, and it makes Quinn feel a bit out of place. She should have worn those stupid pearls.

Jeff stands and waves at her once she sees him. God, he's incredibly attractive and put together. If her mother or Frannie were here, they'd be drooling.

"Quinn! You look stunning."

"Thank you. You look great as well." She says as he pulls her chair out. Her phone is in the pocket of her dress, ready to text Santana to bail her out if need be. The girls are at some swanky bar down the street. Santana already texted her and told her that the drinks cost more than some of her school books.

"I ordered us some wine. I've got a fake ID, and my father knows the chef. Do you like red wine?"

"I don't drink, but feel free."

"Oh—they won't card you."

"That's not... I don't like it." Quinn says with a shrug.

"I promise you, this wine you'll love."

Quinn purses her lips and starts looking through the menu. Already considering sending a text to Santana. "Where are you from?" Quinn asks.

"Here. Upper East Side. Though I went to boarding school in London for a bit, and New Hampshire, so I haven't been back in a while. You?"

"Ohio."

"Hum, you like the city?"

"So far, yes." Quinn smiles up at the waiter producing the wine. Jeff begins to order for the both of them, but Quinn stops him, ordering a chicken salad instead of whatever pasta dish he was going for. She doesn't need to worry about getting sauce all over herself. He nods to her glass of wine and she sighs, taking the cup and sipping it once. She doesn't like it, but smiles at him anyway. This was a bad idea. He's way out of her league. She grew up rich for Lima, Ohio, not Upper East Manhattan. But, good manners are good manners everywhere; and if Quinn's good at anything, it's faking that she's enjoying herself.

They make small talk until their meal arrives. Quinn quickly directs the topic of conversation to their shared class. Turns out, once you get him talking, Jeff lightens up a little. The arrogant, rich boy she had initially pegged him as isn't all he is. He's smart, and seems just as interested in psychology as Quinn is. By the time their food arrives, Quinn is actually beginning to enjoy herself a little.

"So, what's your major?" He asks once the waiter takes their empty plates away.

"I haven't totally decided yet actually. I'm, I like psychology a lot so far, and my history classes are interesting. I really like my writing classes—" she shrugs, "I'm not sure. I like a lot of different things, it's hard to pick one."

"Yeah, I get that. My father wants me to go into law, so, makes my decision easier."

"Why are you in a psych class?"

"I needed a humanities elective." He shrugs. "I like it though. Do you want to get desert?"

"Um.. I'm actually pretty full."

"I'll get the check, would you like to walk through the park after this?"

"Sure, I'm just going to use the restroom first." Quinn bolts into the ladies room and calls Santana.

"Finally! This place is shit Q, we've been here for ages and could only afford one drink each! I'm gonna kill you."

"I think I'm having fun." Quinn admits. "I mean, it's—it's kinda weird and I'm not sure if I really like him or not, but it's not terrible."

"You bitch. You could have texted and told me that. Britt and I could have left ages ago."

"Sorry. I wasn't sure. We're gonna walk through the park."

"It's fucking freezing out. He know's it's the end of January right? Are you sure he's not just gonna grope you in the dark?"

"Santana!"

Quinn hears muffled sounds for a second, then Santana's back. "Britt says to make sure you have the rape whistle Rachel got you."

Quinn sighs. Rachel had bought rape whistles for everyone. Even the boys, declaring that 'everyone needed to keep their persons safe and sexual violence isn't only related to women'."It's in my purse. Go home you bitch."

"Wait—very important question. Do you have condoms? Because I love the lizard as much as the next person, but two of those we need not."

"Fuck you." Quinn says, and hangs up to Santana's laughter.

She goes out of the bathroom and Jeff's waiting with her coat and scarf. She smiles and slips into it as he holds it out for her. They walk outside and Jeff holds his arm out for her, after a second of hesitation, Quinn accepts it.

It starts to snow lightly as they walk to Central Park. And, it _should_ be the picture of romance, like something out of a movie—but something feels missing. Quinn can't place it, Jeff is charming, and well off, and treats her nicely and seems to be doing everything right. Quinn can't figure out why she can't just _relax._

He offers to take the subway home with her and she freezes. She lives in a shithole compared to anything on the Upper East Side, and she hasn't told him about Beth yet. It seemed too big for a first date.

"That's alright, it's probably pretty our of your way."

"I don't mind."

"Thanks anyway, I—I had a good time." She says with a smile. Jeff grins at her and bends down, placing a light kiss to her lips. All in all, it's pretty chaste, but sweet. She smiles up at him again.

"I'd like to do this again, if you want to." He asks. He suddenly looks a little shy and something about that endears him to Quinn.

"I'd like that. You've got my number, gimme a call."

Quinn takes the subway home, it's late—nearly midnight—by the time she gets to the apartment. Sam is the only one still up. He's sitting at the kitchen table with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. He holds one out to her in greeting and she just smiles and gives him a one-handed hug as she takes it.

"How was it?" He asks.

Quinn shrugs. "It—it was okay actually. I think I'm gonna go out with him again."

"You don't look too excited about that." He notes, without any judgement. Quinn instinctively starts to shrug and say it's nothing, but if anyone would understand, Sam would.

"I—how did you know you were bi? Or, when? Like was... is it more Kurt or—"

Sam considers it, and takes a large bite of ice cream. "Well, I thought maybe I liked boys before then, but... I wasn't really sure," he grins at her, "I guess it was really Kurt. I mean now that I know, it's easy to tell that I'm attracted to both." He shrugs. "How come?"

"I—" She almost tells him, but the words catch somewhere in her mouth, refusing to come fully out. Quinn just shakes her head and shoves some ice cream in her mouth instead. Sam, lovely, perfect Sam seems to figure it out. Somewhat at least. He just leans over and takes the bite of ice cream Quinn had been about to eat from her while she laughs. "That was mine!" She protests.

"Snooze you loose."

"Jerk."

He stands and dumps the empty carton in the trash before turning back to her. "Hey, you want to talk later, you know where to find me." He says softly.

She knows there are tears forming, so she ducks her head and just nods. "Thanks Sam."


	6. Chapter 6

**see end of the chapter for some notes and answers to a few questions.**

* * *

She goes on two more dates with Jeff, and something eases inside of her that lets Quinn finally breathe. This is what she has been waiting for, a nice guy who she can relax—somewhat—with.

She doesn't talk to Sam, if it were Kurt or anyone else she had spoken to, she'd be on the receiving end of a few pointed looks; but Sam doesn't do a thing. Mostly, she's relived, but a small part of her wishes he would push.

Rachel calls her on a Tuesday and asks if she's busy that weekend, she had just told Jeff she'd go out with him on Saturday night; so she tells Rachel that she's free on Friday.

They meet up after Rachel's last class, sometime around three, Beth lights up and squirms out of Quinn's arms, taking off towards Rachel as fast as she can. Quinn laughs as Beth throws herself at Rachel, luckily, she seems to have quick reflexes and catches her with a small groan. "Hi!" Rachel says, brushing some blonde curls out of Beth's eyes.

"Mach, we go onstage?" Beth asks.

"Sure," Rachel looks up to Quinn and she just shrugs back. Beth has been talking about being on a stage since they saw _The Little Mermaid_ back at Christmas. "The theatre near my dorm probably isn't being used right now. We can hang out there if you want."

"Yeah!" Beth yells happily.

Rachel looks to Quinn in question and she nods, following Rachel through the school. "How've you been?" Rachel asks.

"Good, you?"

"Busy," she sighs, "but good too. This semester seems like it's going by much faster than the first one."

"Yeah, I've felt that too."

"I—" Rachel hesitates, biting her lip nervously, "have you talked to your mom recently?" She asks.

"No." Quinn says, her gaze straight ahead. Thankfully, Rachel takes the hint and only nods, reaching out and rubbing Quinn's arm once, quickly and drops the subject.

They make it to the theatre and Beth wriggles out of Rachel's grip, running up the steps and standing front and center, beaming. "Mach, sing!" She demands. Rachel, never one to turn down an opportunity to preform, goes straight to the piano off-center stage and starts playing. Beth turns to Quinn in astonishment, and stands, mouth gaping and watching Rachel with rapt attention. Quinn smiles and sits down in a chair near the front row as Rachel begins to sing. She doesn't recognize the song, but she knows it's from and older musical.

As usual, Rachel sings beautifully. Quinn joins Beth in clapping once she's finished. Rachel beams and Quinn knows how wonderful the approval of a toddler can be.

"Again!" Beth demands.

Rachel nods and motions for Beth to come over to the piano. Laughing as she tries to haul her tiny body up onto the bench. Rachel helps her all the way up, then with a look to Quinn begins to play. Quinn gasps. She hasn't heard this song since she was fifteen. She knows her face must be doing something horrible, because Rachel stops playing immediately when she turns to look at her.

"I'm sorry Quinn I..."

"Don't stop!" Beth whines.

"No, Rachel..." Quinn shakes her head and takes a steady breath, meeting Rachel's gaze. "Go ahead." She says.

Rachel hesitates another minute then nods and begins playing again. Her voice filling the empty theatre. And all Quinn can think about is being fifteen and terrified. The glee club all dressed in white, and Finn and Rachel singing to her; and for a moment or two thinking somehow, she'd might be okay. That people actually had her back. Quinn never told any of them how much that stupid song had meant to her. Listening to it now, she should have known Rachel was responsible for it, not Finn.

Rachel plays the last chord and Beth claps happily, oblivious to the nervous looks Rachel is shooting at her, or the tears Quinn knows are falling despite her best efforts. She swipes at them quickly and smiles at Rachel. "Leave it to you to make a simple afternoon all dramatic and nostalgic." She says with a shaky laugh. Rachel starts to apologize again, and Quinn waves her off. "_Joking_ Rachel. It was nice, just like it was the first time. Thank you."

"Okay."

"Mama, you song too?" Beth asks.

"Sing," Rachel corrects gently, "and yes!" She directs at Quinn.

"Umm..."

"Yes!" Rachel orders. "Come join us."

"Fine." Quinn climbs up the stairs and lifts Beth up, placing her on her lap so there's room for all of them. "No more sad songs." Quinn says, and Rachel nods enthusiastically.

They play at least five more songs, giggling through half of them. Quinn doesn't think she's had this much fun in ages. She's relaxed and a little giddy. Beth is having the time of her life and adores Rachel in a way that makes Quinn feel... she's unsure of the right word, but it's _good_.

"Are you two hungry?" Rachel asks later. Beth nods and slumps back against Quinn, tired already. "There's not much in my dorm, but we could scrounge up something. Unless you want to go out? Do you have to be anywhere tonight?"

"Nope," Quinn says without really thinking, "my date with Jeff isn't till late tomorrow." She only realizes it's the first she's ever mentioned Jeff to Rachel when she feels her freeze against her arm.

"Jeff?" Rachel asks.

"Mama's boyfriend." Beth supplies tiredly.

"_Boyfriend?_" Rachel asks tightly. "You've got a boyfriend?"

"No... I—_no_ he's, I've gone out with him like three times. He's not..." She glances down at Beth. This is Kurt's doing she's almost sure of it, and she's going to kill him for it. "He's _not_ my boyfriend." She repeats.

Rachel's face seems to be fighting off a grimace, which confuses Quinn. "You never mentioned him." She says slowly.

Quinn staves off a groan. "I didn't not mention him on purpose or anything, Rach really, I wasn't hiding anything from you." She knows Rachel is still sensitive about stuff like this, she always jumps to the conclusion that Quinn doesn't really value their friendship if she doesn't tell Rachel everything. "Rach, I swear it just slipped my mind."

"Three times? I... you must really like him."

"I dunno," Quinn shrugs, "he's nice." She watches as Rachel picks at her skirt. "Rachel..."

"Let's head back for food. Beth looks hungry."

Quinn starts to apologize again, but stops when she catches Rachel's eye. Beth holds her arms out and Quinn lifts her up, brushing some curls out of her face as Beth drops her head to Quinn's shoulder. She and Rachel walk in stilted silence back to her dorm room. Quinn tries to think of something to say more than once, but doesn't manage it. Once they reach Rachel's suite, she immediately busies herself with finding them food (PJ and J sandwiches) and Quinn just sits there, Beth on her lap. "Rachel..."

"Beth, would you like some soy milk?" Rachel asks, pointedly not looking at Quinn.

"What's that?" Beth asks.

"Here, have a sip, see if you like it."

Quinn watches as Beth takes the cup and gulps it down, grimaces, then tells Rachel she wants it chocolate please. Rachel smiles at her and adds some chocolate sauce, before handing it back to Beth. They eat their sandwiches, Rachel talks to Beth and Quinn decides to just be quiet. It's the most awkward she's felt around Rachel since practically sophomore year, and she hates it. Beth climbs off Quinn's lap and re-situates herself onto Rachel's once she's done eating. Quinn can't help but laugh at the awkward way Rachel tries to hold her. Rachel glares at her, but her face softens after a minute. Quinn starts to apologize again, wanting to fix whatever's gone wrong between then; but Rachel picks up Beth and carries her away, telling her they should practice the dance moves Brittany's been showing her.

Quinn sits on the couch while Rachel and Beth do pirouettes. Mostly, Rachel does them and Beth whips her tiny body around while giggling and falling over.

"Mama, you dance too." Beth insists after a while.

Quinn rises and executes a graceful double pirouette (Brittany had taught her and Santana back when they were twelve) and smiles at them both. Beth claps and tries yet again before falling into Quinn's legs. "Good one babe, you almost got it." Quinn says with a laugh. Beth climbs up Quinn's legs until she picks her up, and sees Beth slowly nodding off. "She's probably ready for bed, I should go."

Rachel just nods and Quinn feels like she's wrecked something yet again, she shouldn't be surprised; it's what she's good at.

"Bye Rachel... thanks. I'm—I'm sorry about..."

Rachel shakes her head, "it's fine, I'll see you later Quinn. Have fun on your date tomorrow." She says, her lips pinched, not really looking at Quinn.

"Okay." Quinn whispers, and heads out, feeling horrible.

…

…

She doesn't know what to do to fix things with Rachel, so she just pretends nothing's wrong. Rachel doesn't call her, and she doesn't bother trying to get a hold of Rachel, not wanting to feel the disappointment of being rejected again after the first two tries.

By date number five, she still hasn't told Jeff about Beth, or her friends, or... much about herself in high school really. It just easier to be vague, there're only just getting to know each other, she rationalizes. And it's nice to not have to worry about something. She meets him, they have a nice dinner which he pays for, they walk, they talk about anything, and they do some making out. It's _simple_.

It's a total lie.

Santana points this out as she's getting dressed for date number seven. "He doesn't know about _Beth_?" She asks, in an accusing tone.

Quinn clenches her teeth and concentrates on applying her mascara. "We haven't been dating that long Santana, telling him I got pregnant at fifteen and am a single mother isn't an easy topic of conversation to bring up." She defends. Somewhere her brain screams that she's spewing bullshit and she knows it, but she clamps that bit down and fluffs her hair again. "I—" she lets out a nervous breath, "I think he might want... tonight."

Santana raises her eyebrows at her. "Your gonna fuck him before you tell him you've got a kid?"

"Don't... _God_ Santana, don't be a bitch. I want—I need your help."

"Get a condom from Sam and make sure the boy puts it on. I love the lizard as much as anyone, but we don't need another one of her."

"I didn't—you know what fuck you, I'll see you later." Quinn rises and pulls on her cardigan, wiping a bit of lipstick off the side of her mouth and leaving her bedroom.

Santana follows her, angry and grabbing at her arm. "Q, fuck off, I wasn't—Jesus, I was _joking_." She insists.

"I'm freaking out Santana, and you're not helping."

"Quinn," she pauses and rubs Quinn's arm a little, "I didn't... if you're freaking out, you might not be ready. I mean, your first time was less than ideal to... put it mildly. You don't have to sleep with the guy if you don't want to."

"What if I do want to?" Quinn asks, her voice coming out small and shaky. She has no idea what the hell she wants.

"If you want to," she shrugs, "get some condoms and have fun." Her mouth twists into a grin, "God knows you could use with a bit."

Quinn slaps her.

…

…

Jeff is a perfect gentleman. It's one of the things Quinn really likes about him. She's never had a boy—apart from Sam—really seem like he cared about anything Quinn has to say. He listens when she talks, and has intelligent responses. He's charming, and a little bit goofy, and Quinn's terrified she's going to do something to ruin it. He'll find out she's a frigid bitch, got kicked out of her home and knocked up at fifteen and never want to speak to her again.

So, naturally, as Santana would say, Quinn tries to jump his bones.

Of course, he's _into it,_ he's been a perfect gentleman so far but he's a boy in college and before Quinn knows it, they're both half naked and panting. He reaches down into her skirt and rubs a finger against her and she panics, shoving him away.

"Sorry," he apologizes immediately, "if you're not, we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

It just makes Quinn feel worse, because she can tell he means it. "I—" she sighs, "I'm sorry I'm just, it's been a weird day and I... I think I should go."

"Wait, stay. Seriously, my hands will stay locked to my sides unless you want to cuddle." He promises with a crooked smile.

Part of Quinn wants to, or, thinks she _should_ want to. She can't understand why she doesn't, but she decides it must have to do with lying to him. She takes a breath, it's now or never. "Jeff, I—there's something I need to tell you. I didn't before because it's not exactly first date material, and then I just, well, I was afraid it would be a deal breaker. It still might be."

He frowns and sits up, motioning for her to sit back down and continue. Quinn's chest hurts. He's so open and calm, just waiting for her to go on. "I have a daughter, Beth. She's almost three." She says evenly, watching his face for any change. He's clearly very surprised.

"A daughter?"

"Yes."

"You... _wow_. Um, is... the father..."

"We're friends, nothing more. We weren't," she sighs, she doesn't want to be talking about this _at all_. "We were never really all that close. It's... it's kind of complicated and uncomfortable to talk about, but I'll answer any questions you have." She promises, her hands twisting together.

"I—I'm sorry, I'm just sort of trying to wrap my head around this. I mean, I know it must be hard to bring up, but we've been going out for _over a month_... it seems like you should have told me already."

"It's not a time in my life I like to talk about." Quinn says tersely.

"I get that, but... I'm feeling lied to."

"I didn't _lie_," Quinn insists. "I was always going to tell you. I just didn't know how to bring it up. This wasn't how I wanted to do it, but I couldn't... I couldn't _stay_ without telling you first." Quinn watches as Jeff unconsciously shifts away from her, and suddenly, she's desperate to not lose him. All the parts of her that had been holding back and were unsure explode, and she panics. "I'm not telling you this to freak you out, or expect anything of you. Beth has a father, and plenty of other father figures, nothing has to change. You just needed to know why I can't always go out on a whim, or why I can't stay without making sure someone is watching her first. That's all."

"Plenty of father figures? What the hell does that mean?"

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose. "I live with my friends Sam and Kurt, she's got the male presence in her life covered."

"You live with two men?" He doesn't look angry at this, (which is a relief) just confused and Quinn realizes just how much of her life she's kept from him.

"My best friend Sam and his boyfriend Kurt, yes." She says pointedly. "And her dad lives back in Ohio."

Jeff takes a deep breath and sits up, reaching for the cigarettes on his nightstand. Quinn wrinkles her nose instinctually, she hates the smell of cigarettes. Luckily, he hardly ever smokes anymore; he's been waning himself off of them for weeks. "Okay, I—this is a _lot_ but," he sighs again and takes a deep drag, "alright, can you just tell me everything? Once and quick and be done with it?"

Quinn nods and sits up, she doesn't want to do this at all, but she can sense that anymore lies or truths omitted are going to make Jeff leave for good. "I was fifteen, and a bit drunk, and stupid, and I made the mistake of sleeping with a boy who—was known for getting girls into bed. My parents—who are very Christian and respected in Ohio—disowned me and kicked me out. I moved in with Puck, Beth's father, until she was born. We we're going to give her up but... I couldn't. My mother ended up divorcing my dad and I moved back in with her for the rest of high school and... here we are. It's—a lot, and I get it if you're freaked out but honestly, I just want to enjoy college and be normal for once." She says nearly in all one breath. "And I like you." She adds, twisting her face into a smile.

Jeff silences her by reaching over and kissing her. He smells like cigarettes, but it's chaste and sweet and way more than Quinn thought he would do. "Look, it is a lot, and I don't want to be a father, I'm actually pretty horrible with kids, but... I like you too. If you call someone, can you stay? Or we could have a redo date tomorrow?"

Quinn doesn't respond, just rises and pulls her shirt back on, grabbing her phone and ducking into the bathroom. Sam answers on the second ring. "Hey, can... is there anyway you could—if I stay out all night will that be okay?"

He doesn't say anything for a minute and Quinn holds the phone away, thinking the call was dropped. "I can watch Beth no problem, she's already out cold, Santana's in your bed with her actually. But, Quinn is this..."

"I told him." Quinn interrupts. "I told him everything and he wants me to stay."

"Is that what _you_ want?" Sam whispers.

"Why wouldn't I?" Quinn snaps back.

"Quinn..."

"I'll see you tomorrow Sam." Quinn hangs up, looks at herself in the mirror and sighs. She feels all of fifteen again, gearing herself up for something that she should want. This time, there's no wine cooler buzz, and she knows more or less what it will feel like, and Jeff has condoms. She shivers, and splashes some cold water on her face. Jeff isn't Puck, and she's not fifteen anymore. This is what college students do, they meet people they like and have a good time, Quinn's not proving anything to anyone; she's being normal for once.

She slips her shirt off and frowns at the small stretch marks on the side of her hip before flicking the light off and going out to the boy waiting for her.

* * *

**so, i want to just make it very, very clear for any young or impressionable readers that it is absolutely not necessary to have sex with someone of the opposite gender to figure out if you are gay or not. in my headcanon for quinn, she is very much in denial, and this is how she is going to figure it out. it is not how anyone would need to figure it out for themselves. i just needed in good conscious make that 100% clear.**

**so, this chapter is a little short, i have been super busy with work (which is calming way down now) and working on pezberry week fics, fear not, the next chapter is already started and should be up by friday/saturday-ish.**

**no, jeff will not be around long. **

**beth pronounces mach as in rach with an m.**

**alright, hope this chapter wasn't too hard to swallow, i know jeff seems a little douchy, and the girls are angsty/fighting, but hang in there, things are about to start moving very quickly:) **


	7. Chapter 7

It's different than it was with Puck. She thinks you're supposed to feel—_more_—but she doesn't, not until Jeff is between her legs, and Puck never did _that_; but he does something that makes her hiss and arch her back and she sees..._Rachel_.

There is a boy between her legs making her feel, frankly, a little amazing and she pictures _Rachel Berry; _and if that isn't just...

She feels her entire body freeze instantly. Jeff notices, and pauses, sitting up and looking at her. "You okay?" He asks, face full of concern.

She's not, not at all, but she nods anyway; sitting up and pulling away from him. "I—I've got to go."

"Wait, why? Did I—did I do something wrong? Quinn, I..."

"No, it's not—no, I just have to go. I can't...I'm sorry. I've got to go." She scrambles around the floor, finding her underwear in the dark and tugging it on.

"Quinn, we...I meant it, we don't have to do anything. We can just go to sleep. It's really late, you shouldn't go out now."

"I'm sorry Jeff. I can't." She gathers her clothes and pulls them back on half-haphazardly, buttons askew, her skirt off to the side.

"Quinn..." he sighs, then nods, resigned, and sits up digging around his nightstand, "here, please take a cab at least. It's really late." He hands her some cash, his fingers lightly brushing over her hands. Quinn knows he's trying to make her feel better, comfortable; but his every touch and look only makes her feel worse. Guilty for things she doesn't understand.

Quinn takes the money and pulls her hands away, bending down and placing a light kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry." She whispers, apologizing for something else entirely.

He waves her off, "it's fine. Just, text me and let me know you get home okay?"

She nods, and practically runs out of his apartment, hailing a cab and rattling off her address. As the cab drives away Quinn rests her head back against the seat, and tries not to cry. She thought that she could force herself to just be a normal college student, go to class, hang out with her friends, and date a boy her mother would salivate over. But she'd just been kidding herself, her life stopped being normal the second Beth was conceived. She became a mother at fifteen, she'd had to form her own family, and, despite all her best efforts to ignore it, she's most definitely attracted to women. One in particular.

Fuck.

Quinn slips into her apartment, and shoots a quick text to Jeff saying she's home, then shuts her phone off. She pulls her skirt and top off, dropping them to the floor and finds a large t-shirt, yanks it over her head and crawls into bed. Santana rolls on top of her, sprawled out with one arm cuddling Beth, and the other now over Quinn. She had forgotten that Santana was here. Her first instinct is to push Santana off, instead, she finds herself curling into her as tightly as she can. It takes ages for her to finally fall asleep, her mind going over and over every minute in Jeff's bedroom, and the last couple of years of her life.

…

…

Quinn ignores everyone for days. Blames it on an upset stomach and lack of sleep, they only seem to halfway buy it, shooting her worried looks when they think she's not looking.

She wakes up alone and doesn't stumble out of bed until Santana comes in to find her. "So you get laid last night?" She asks, wriggling her eyebrows and smirking.

"No. I don't want to talk about it. Where's Beth?"

"Eating the best cereal in the world. I mixed coco puffs and lucky charms." With a grin she adds, "it's disgusting."

"Don't poison my child."

Santana crosses her arms and shrugs at her. "She seems to like it. Maybe her taste buds are broken."

Quinn stares at her. "Go to class." She finally says. What she wants to say is, 'help me, I'm drowning.' But that's too ridiculous and melodramatic and Santana would laugh at her and tell her that's something _Rachel_ would say which...

"Go to class." She repeats, and gets up to take care of her daughter like her entire world didn't just change last night.

...

...

Kurt tries to get her to eat some gross soup that Rachel told him about the next day, and she almost snaps and tells him to fuck off; catching herself only at the last minute.

"I'm not hungry, but thanks."

"You should try to eat something."

"I'm good."

He purses his lips and studies her, and for one utterly ridiculous second, Quinn thinks he can tell that she's gay. He opens his mouth to say something else, and Quinn panics and runs into the bathroom. When she comes out, he's gone, and it's just Beth on her bed, playing with a Wonder Woman toy. Quinn thinks she might be loosing it for real.

...

...

The only person she can stand to be around is Beth. Toddlers questions are easier to avoid, and Beth doesn't look at her and expect anything but a hug and a smile; which Quinn can readily give to her.

She skips two days worth of classes, and wakes up on the third intending to go, but realizing she'd be seeing Jeff in class causes her to feign sickness again. Quinn knows she's being selfish, and she hates herself for it, but everything just feels to overwhelming to do anything about it.

Her phone remains turned off, when she finally plugs it in to charge, it explodes; Jeff called three times, Brittany texted twice about their plans for taking Beth to the zoo, and Rachel tried to get her to go for coffee. Santana barrels into her bedroom, calls her a bitch and tells her Brittany hasn't seen Beth in two weeks and she's starting to complain to her about it. Quinn pulls the covers over her head and says Brittany is free to take Beth wherever she wants.

Santana starts yelling at her in choppy spanish, and Quinn's phone dings with a new message. It's Rachel. Quinn turns her phone back off and cries.

...

...

On day four, Sam let's himself into her room. "Alright, who do I need to beat up? Because Beth is starting to freak out a little, and Santana is being a huge bitch and she won't go home and won't listen to anyone, not even Brittany, so you're gonna have to deal with that. And Rachel keeps calling and asking me if you're dead, and you've missed all if your classes, and two shifts at work—which I covered for you by the way, and I'm super tired. So, tell me who I need to punch and get out of the bed."

Quinn looks up at his earnest face and bursts into tears. She seems to be doing that a lot lately.

"Oh shit." He mumbles, and sits down next to her, wrapping her up into a tight hug. "Seriously, I'll fight anyone, even if it's a girl. If it's Santana...I'll probably shit myself, but I'll do it."

Quinn laughs for the first time in days, and tightens her grip on Sam. "Wow, you really love me huh? You'd fight _Santana_ if I asked?"

"Well—I'd hope you love me enough not to ask, but okay."

Quinn tucks her head into the crook of Sam's neck, "I'm gay," she whispers and starts sobbing again. It's the first time she's actually said the words out loud, and somehow, the magnitude of it all hits her at once. Sam's arms tighten and he places a kiss to her temple.

"Okay, do I still need to beat up Santana?" He asks calmly, and Quinn starts laughing, tears still falling on their own accord, making her seem deranged. "Cause like I said, I'll do it, but I won't be happy about it."

"I love you." Quinn says, "and I'm freaking out a lot."

"Yeah, that's fine, but the beating up Santana thing?"

Quinn slaps him lightly, "no, you don't have to beat up Santana."

"Oh thank god."

"Sam, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, you're gay, so Beth's been asking to to see a play again, I was thinking we could all pool our money and go this weekend maybe?"

"Sam—I'm gay." Quinn repeats.

"Yeah...and?"

"And—and why are you acting like this isn't a big deal?" Quinn snaps. She feels like her entire world has changed, and his cavalier attitude makes her want to punch him a little.

"Why would I?"

"Because I'm _gay_!" Quinn yells, then covers her mouth quickly before she spills out the rest about Rachel.

Sam turns and smiles at her. "In case you haven't noticed, you're like the only person who would freak out at this information. The rest of us are all already gay to some sort of degree."

"So why didn't I know before now?" Quinn whispers. "You all figured it out, I should have. Maybe I'm not maybe...I don't want to be." She admits. "And I feel like the worst hypocrite in the world for that. I..." She starts crying again and Sam just holds her until she's calmed down.

"Dude, I freaked a little when I figured it out too. I think the only person I know who didn't have some sort of panic about it was Britt, and I love her, but that's not that norm."

Quinn smiles a bit and swipes at her tears. God is she sick of crying.

"And, dude don't get mad at me, but it totally makes sense that you'd like, repress this or whatever. I mean, your parents...and after everything with Beth...it makes sense is all I'm saying. And I'm not like an expert or anything, but there isn't a right way to figure any if this crap out." Sam releases her a bit and turns so he's facing her, "also, just 'cause I know you need to hear it, and probably no one else will say it in a way that won't make to want to tear your hair out—besides maybe Brittany—it _is_ okay Quinn. You're gonna be fine." He pauses, "you...might want to break up with Jeff though, he seems to have the wrong body parts. Oh, dude, did you guys—"

Quinn is definitely crying again, but it's only a few tears, she can handle it. It seems completely stupid, but she needed to hear that more than she knew. "God, life would have been really simple if we'd just fallen in live in high school. That would have solved a lot of my problems."

Sam lets out a loud laugh and swings an arm around her shoulder. "Dude, _we did_." He says with a grin.

Quinn can only nod and hug him tightly. "We didn't," she says after a few minutes of silence, "me and Jeff I mean. We _were_ but I—I figured it out before much really happened."

"Do you like him?" Sam asks.

"I—yeah, but..."

"Did you like doing sexy stuff with him?" He asks, very seriously, and Quinn can't help but burst out into laughter. "Well, that's important. I thought I was gay once I realized I liked Kurt, but I figured out later I was still into ladies too."

"I—" Quinn hesitates and thinks about it, it feels like all she's been doing the last few days. "No. I mean, I've never really felt...anything with a boy. Not Finn, not Puck, not you either. We—I mean I like Jeff, but I don't think I really _like_ him. I like..." she clamps a hand over her mouth. She had been about to say Rachel's name.

Sam looks at her oddly, "you like...who?"

Quinn shakes her head, "doesn't matter, she's straight."

Sam raises his eyebrows at her, "is it someone I know?" He asks slowly. Quinn freezes, not ready to open up that can of worms. "Quinn—is it, Rachel?" He asks gently.

Quinn pushes him away with a hard shove. "What! No!" She jumps out of the bed and starts pacing, "I—God no. It's, you know what, forget I said anything. Jeff is great and I like him and maybe I'm just bi like you and freaking out about it. It's not a big deal, never mind."

"Wait, Quinn don't..."

"Don't tell anyone about this Sam. I've got to go make lunch for Beth." Quinn stalks out of her room, leaving Sam alone.

...

...

Quinn can't bring herself to look Sam in the eye anymore. He keeps trying to get her alone and talk to her, but she barely stays in the same room as him for more than five minutes. Everyone notices, but Kurt doesn't say anything, and Quinn's gotten good at ignoring Santana too. In some idiotic need to prove something to herself, she calls Rachel back and agrees to meet her for coffee. Sam overhears and stares at her for a full minute before starting to say something. Quinn glares at him and takes Beth to the park before he can open his mouth.

She doesn't break up with Jeff (she knows she _should_) but instead she continues to mostly avoid him. She's never claimed any sort of bravery, and at this point she's used hurting people and hating herself for it.

Rachel comes running up to hug her before remembering that she's been mad at Quinn. The hesitation is enough to make Quinn feel like shit all over again, and Rachel looks guilty. "Hi." She says, sitting down across from her. "Still sick?"

"No." Quinn takes a sip of her coffee, needing something to do with her hands. Now that she knows—knows that she's attracted to Rachel, being around her is...weird as fuck.

"How is...Jeff?" Rachel asks, her face twisting into something resembling a grimace.

"He's fine." Quinn answers tersely. This was possibly the worst idea she's ever had, and she needs to just get Rachel talking, about anything. "Umm, so Beth wants to see more plays, Sam was thinking of next weekend maybe. Want to come? We don't have anything in mind, figured you'd be the one to defer to."

Rachel beams, unable to contain her excitement, and all awkwardness evaporates for a moment as she starts listing off possible plays. Quinn sits back and just watches her, happy to just listen and not feel awkward for a few minutes. Rachel's face sort of glows, and Quinn notices the way the corners of her mouth twist into this little half smile thing. It's adorable. She's never thought of Rachel as adorable before. Rachel goes through the plot of about half a dozen plays before Quinn realizes nearly two hours have gone by. Her phone dings, it's Jeff—again.

"You have a date tonight?" Rachel asks, seeing his name pop up on the small screen.

"No I—" Quinn sighs, needing to talk about it with someone, even if she'd rather it not be Rachel. "I've been avoiding him actually." She admits.

Rachel frowns, "how come?"

"I—it's complicated."

"I'm incredibly intelligent Quinn, give it a whirl." She says with a grin. Despite the sarcasm, and the hint of actual annoyance in her voice, Quinn can't help but smile back at her.

"He...I feel like I should feel something—_more_ you know?" She watches as Rachel's frown only deepens and she shakes her head. "I don't know, he's pretty much everything I should want right now. It's...I mean I've never really just dated to date. Casual and stuff."

"Is...you _want_ casual?"

"I—we're in college, isn't that what we're supposed to want? See what's out there? Get to know new people, find out what we like, what kind of person we are?"

"I suppose." Rachel says with a shrug. For some reason, it makes Quinn angry and Rachel picks up on it. "I just meant," she sighs and shifts her body, tucking her legs up underneath her. "I don't think we're _supposed_ to do anything. Apart from _learn_. I think college is about learning, academically and personally."

"I think it's also about having fun. I'd like to know when that part starts." Quinn says dryly. "So far it's been stressful, depressing, and panic inducing."

Rachel laughs, hearty and loud, "just think, we've only got a few weeks left. Then we get to do three whole more years."

"Oh, I can't wait." Quinn says sarcastically.

They sip their coffee quietly for a few minutes until Quinn's phone dings again. She really can't keep avoiding him, it's not fair. He's a decent guy, and even if he wasn't, using him is wrong. She's watched her mother hold on to a man she doesn't love her whole life; she doesn't want to become her. As awkward as she feels around Rachel, there's also something that feels...right. With Jeff her skin is always tingly, on edge, even when she feels comfortable there's been something missing. Sitting here with Rachel, she finally notices her skin relax in a way that it hasn't in weeks, months maybe.

"I've got to break up with him." She almost whispers.

Rachel's head whips up, shock all over her face. "What? I thought...a second ago you said..."

"I don't think I'm the casual type, or at least, I think if I'm doing casual then I'm doing it wrong."

"How do you figure that?"

"I like Jeff, but I don't feel anything special. You would think I'd know if I was gonna at this point." She admits. "It feels like using him if I know that."

"Oh...I get that."

"I'm sick of hurting people."

Rachel remains silent, and for that Quinn is grateful. If she'd gone off about Quinn not hurting anyone, she might scream. It's the part of their relationship they don't talk about often—hardly ever—but Quinn appreciates that Rachel never says the things she did to her in high school were okay. They weren't.

"Part of me doesn't want to though." She admits. "It's totally selfish, but I'm sick of being lonely too. I mean, God, all our friends are paired off. I'm surrounded by couples. Couples who are probably going to be together 'till they die, and I just...I'm jealous." She hates it, but it's the truth. Her friends happiness makes her want to punch things. She loves Beth—God she loves her more than she ever thought possible—but loving a toddler and a person you're own age are two entirely different things. "And I'm talking about myself way too much, are you...you're not dating anyone are you? Have you...talked to Finn recently?"

"I saw him over winter break. I don't see us ever getting back together, there wasn't...anything special, like you said. I've gone on a few dates recently though."

"What? Really?" Something prickles down in Quinn's gut and she does her best to stave of a grimace.

Rachel nods, "yeah, a boy from one of my theatre classes, Brody. He's a junior. It's definitely casual. I'm here to focus on my talent and prepare myself for my inevitable career; but it's fun, he makes me feel...desired. Is that stupid?"

"No," Quinn chokes out, "not stupid. I get it." She does _not_ want to hear about this, some asshole named _Brody,_ God. She looks down at her phone again, realizing how much time has gone by. "I should get going, I want to tuck Beth in."

"Okay," Rachel stands up, grabbing Quinn's forearm, "just...can we—" she sighs, "we can be fifth wheels together if you want." She says with a shrug. Quinn suspects she had been intending to say something else, but nods anyway.

"Sure. I'll see you later Rachel."

"Not in a month okay." Rachel demands.

"Promise." Quinn answers with a nod, then gets the hell out of there.


	8. Chapter 8

She _should _break up with Jeff, she plans to, but instead somehow she winds up out to dinner with him, Santana and Brittany.

It goes about as horribly as she could have imagined.

Santana has seemingly taken it upon herself to make Quinn as uncomfortable as she possibly can; payback for something Quinn's sure.

Thankfully, Jeff takes most of it in stride, despite the fact that Santana introduces herself by saying; "word on the street is you're old money, I'm a lesbian, but I'm totally into that." Quinn pinches her under the table, _hard_. Once Santana brings up Puck and makes a suggestive face at Quinn, she grabs her and hauls her off to the bathroom, making Brittany come along. Britt would never tell him something out of malice like Santana, but she might mention something accidentally.

"Santana!" Quinn scolds once they are in the restroom.

"Oh come on, I was just enjoying making your face do that horrible constipated thing. I wouldn't actually _tell _him anything."

Quinn slaps her for good measure anyway, and hopes the night goes by quickly.

Santana's quips and guilt trip does it's job though, and the longer the dinner goes on, the more awkward she feels. Every time Jeff touches her, she finds herself trying not to flinch; and the confusion on his face only makes it worse. She watches Santana and Brittany and the easy, natural way they gravitate towards each other and craves it. When she leans into Jeff, and he slings his arm around her and smiles; gentle and kind, she has to force a smile back.

…

…

It takes her a few days, but she finally breaks up with Jeff.

She can't avoid it forever, and she can't use him like that. It's shitty beyond belief, even Quinn can see it. The worst part is, for a day or so, she rationalizes that she _can _use him like that. He never has to know she doesn't feel anything, and then she won't be alone. Alone terrifies her more than the possibility of being gay.

But Santana comes crawling into her bed the next night, a little buzzed and laughing quietly. She's not drunk enough to be weepy yet, still giggly and affectionate. Quinn covers her mouth and tells her not to wake up Beth. "Oh please, the lizard sleeps like a rock. A dead rock. A rock that is dead. Can rocks be dead?"

"Oh my god," Quinn mumbles, and covers her mouth again, "shut up."

"Jeff's hot, and he likes you." Santana mutters into her pillow, "but you don't like him." she adds, and rolls over, facing Quinn seriously. Quinn presses her lips together tightly and rolls away from her, curling her arms around Beth. "You don't like him Q." Santana repeats.

"Says _you_."

"Yeah says me. Me who's known you since you were thirteen."

"Go to sleep Santana, or better yet go home. Do you live here now or something?"

"Pretty much. And go ahead and bitch at me all you want, I mean jesus, I can take whatever shit you want to dish out. Doesn't make your panties anymore wet when he calls."

"Go to sleep." Quinn orders, it comes out more like 'fuck you'.

Santana just makes a clucking noise with her tongue and kicks at Quinn's legs, but she goes to sleep and doesn't say anything about it the next morning.

She's _right _is the thing and Quinn really can't keep doing this anyway. So she calls Jeff and goes to meet him, not wanting to do this in person, but not able to do it any other way. She owes him that much at least.

He looks a bewildered by the entire thing, and Quinn's not ready to give him the real reason, so it takes a bit of uncomfortable convincing. But if she's good at anything, it's putting on a bitchy face and driving people away. She's seen her father and Frannie do it hundreds of times and within the span of about ten minutes, Jeff stalks out of the restaurant angrily. And just like that, it's over.

Quinn walks to the subway, feeling relieved and guilty all at once. She's been avoiding Sam for days now, but she pulls out her cell phone, tearing up as she walks down the street.

"I broke up with him." She says the minute he answers.

Sam sucks in a breath, "you on your way home?"

"Yeah."

"I've got a pint of mint chip with your name on it."

Quinn chokes out a laugh and hangs up, getting on the subway. She keeps seeing Jeff's face as it falls, his hands slipping out of hers, and the hurt that replaced his gentle face. She hadn't liked him much the first time she met him; but she hadn't liked Santana, or Sam, or Rachel at first either, now she can't imagine her life without any of them. Quinn can't help but think maybe she made a mistake, maybe she could have learned to love him. Then she thinks maybe she did him a favor, and loving her is toxic. All she seems able to do is hurt people. Her father, her sister, her mother, Puck, Finn, Rachel, now Jeff. God, she's been horrible to Santana and Brittany a million times, Sam too. All the times she's wished that Beth had never been born, that's she's too young, too scared, too tired to be taking care of her; they make her horrible. She's no good for anyone, all she can do is cause pain.

When she gets into the apartment, Sam's at the kitchen table, ice cream and two spoons out; and she starts sobbing all over again. She's been a complete bitch to him for nearly a week and here he is, Quinn doesn't deserve him at all.

The idiot stands up and walks over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Say you're sorry for ignoring me for a week, and then I'll give you a hug."

"I'm sorry," she spits out, "I was scared and..."

Sam wraps his arms around her tightly. "You were a bitch, it's what you do when you're scared." He shrugs, "it's nothing new. It's _shitty_, but once you apologize and I know you mean it, it's usually fine."

"You're a better person than me."

"Yeah probably."

Quinn smacks his arm, "jerk."

"So, before you run away and get all bitchy again, there's something I've been trying to tell you for like a week." He says quickly. Quinn tenses and pulls away from him. "Don't do that, you've been flipping out all week and I've been trying to tell you that _Rachel's bi_."

Something in Quinn's brain breaks, she's sure of it. "No she's not." Quinn insists.

"Yeah Quinn, she _is_. We've talked about it before. I actually thought you knew, everyone else does. I only realized you didn't when you flipped out. Quinn, if you like her then..."

"Stop." she says cutting him off, "can we please talk about something else?"

Sam looks her in the eye, then relents, "yeah fine, come on the ice cream's melting." He slips out of her grip and plops down at the table, shoving a huge bite of ice cream into his mouth. "So, how'd he take it?"

"Awful." Quinn picks at the ice cream, "I basically had to be a bitch. It—it was awful."

"Did you tell him..."

"No."

Sam studies her, "are you gonna tell anyone else?" He asks. It doesn't come out accusatory, or pushy in anyway, just curious.

"Um...I...eventually I guess. I'm not—not yet okay?"

"Okay." He smiles at her, and pushes some ice cream onto her nose.

…

…

Quinn ends up moping around for a few more days after that. It's not that she misses Jeff, but she's lonely and so sick of being scared and confused about everything. She calls Brittany and asks her if she wants to go take Beth to see the ducks. If nothing else, she can start making stuff up to her friends. Plus, Kurt and Santana are both too perceptive to be around right now.

She answers all the texts Rachel sends her, but claims to be busy with work, or school, or Beth any time she offers to go for coffee. Quinn just can't deal with her right now.

In some desperate need for her mother, she breaks down and calls her. Judy is thrilled to hear from Quinn, she starts talking hurriedly, asking about Beth and her studies in quick succession. And it _hurts_. It hurts how good her mother's voice sounds. It hurts how much Quinn wants her here, wants a hug, _something _that will make her feel like everything is going to be okay. That she has her mom back—that she ever had her in the first place.

"Does he want to see me? Or Beth?" Quinn asks, cutting her mother off.

"I..." she sighs, "Quinnie, he's been so wonderful. We've gone out to dinner, and he took me to—"

"Does he want to see me or Beth?" Quinn repeats.

"It...I'm not sure it's quite the time yet." Judy says quietly.

"That's a no Mom. If the answer is no, then just say no."

"Quinnie, he's _trying _and..."

"Are you still mad at me for getting pregnant?" She's never asked this. She moved back in, and things felt better, some things _were _better, but she's never been able to ask this before. The answer has always terrified her too much.

"I—of course not Quinnie, I love Beth. I love _you_."

She has no unearthly idea how the words get out of her mouth; they spill out without any permission from Quinn and then it's just _silence_. For a second, Quinn thinks she imagined it. She couldn't have actually asked, "would you still love me if I were gay?"

"I—" Judy doesn't say a thing, and Quinn _can't breathe_. "You're not." Her mother insists.

Quinn's terror dissipates in an instant; and suddenly she is furious. Nineteen years of anger built up and ready to be released."I might be." She says calmly, "it shouldn't matter...if you love me. But then, if you loved me, you'd have never left Dad kick me out. You'd have never gone back to him after. We—" and now she's crying, "I thought things were different. I thought..._Mommy_..." she sobs. Gut wrenching sobs that hurt her whole body. She hasn't called her 'Mommy' since she was four, after Frannie told her she was being a baby and her father had laughed. Quinn can't move, can't breathe, can't keep quiet. Judy's yelling through the phone, trying to get her attention, but Quinn can't listen to her anymore. _It hurts_.

The phone is taken out of her hand and Quinn jumps back, seeing Santana appear in front of her. She lets out another sob and Santana's face twists into a glare and she presses Quinn's cell to her ear. Quinn can hear her talking into the phone but the words are all jumbled. The only things she catches are, 'bitch', 'fuck off', and 'old cow'; and then Santana's next to her, pulling Quinn practically onto her lap.

Shamelessly, Quinn clings to her. "Beth..." she chokes out in a panic. Beth cannot see her like this.

"She's at the park with Sam and Kurt, what did she do?" Santana asks.

"I—" Quinn knocks her head into Santana's shoulder and shakes, unable to stop herself.

"Fuck her." Santana says harshly, "you don't need her. You don't need them Q."

"I want them though." Quinn moans. She hates herself for it, they've never made her feel anything but inadequate, but all she wants is their approval. Parents are supposed to love you, and make you feel good about yourself. What's wrong with her that they can't?

"_Fuck her_." Santana repeats, "you've got _me_. You've got Sam, and Britt, and Kurt, and Puck, and fucking hell you've got Berry! And my mom loves you. I'm shit at sharing, but I can share her with you."

It appears to be a night of words just spilling out of her, because the next thing Quinn knows, she's told Santana too. The arms around her still, but Quinn's unable to stop herself from crying at this point. Santana's body starts shaking, and Quinn thinks she might be crying too. She leans up and looks, and Santana is _laughing_.

"What..."

"You just have to try and one up me don't you?" Santana laughs.

Quinn's eyes widen, and the shock and confusion stops the crying altogether. "What? I—screw you."

"Oh come on, you can do better than that."

"Fuck you!" Quinn yells, and pushes Santana. It just makes her burst out into more laughter. Quinn climbs on top of her, shoving and slapping as Santana laughs. "Fuck you!"

Santana lets Quinn slap her for about two more minutes, then grabs her arms. But Quinn is stronger than her, and shoves back again. So, Santana—bitch and _idiot_ that she is—leans up and kisses her on the mouth; shocking Quinn into stillness. Santana just laughs again, sounding more like a cackle than anything else, and flips them over, holding Quinn in place. "Welcome to lesbianhood Q. Could you stop fucking slapping the girl who just offered to share her mother with you." Quinn bucks her hips and tries to knock Santana off her. "Also, I've got to say, considering I don't know another human being who does running from their problems quite like you; I'm pretty damn shocked you told me."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"Fuck you."

Santana smirks, "if you want, I'll have to text and ask Britt first." and wriggles her eyebrows.

Quinn slaps her again.

…

…

Brittany is the perfect person to be around when you're feeling shitty about yourself. She comes running up to Quinn and Beth, wrapping her arms around them both tightly. "I missed you!"

"Missed you too B."

"I'm a B too!" Beth yells. "B-E-T-H" she spells out proudly. (Santana had decided to start teaching her the alphabet. Deciding that she wouldn't let her goddaughter grow up to be an idiot. 'With Puckerman's genes we're gonna have to get on that quick.')

"Good job babe." Quinn says with a smile. She passes Beth over and Brittany secures her happily on her shoulders, and the three of them take off. Quinn walks in silence for a few moments, letting Brittany just talk with Beth. Within minutes of seeing a cotton candy stand, all three of them are covered in pink, sticky, and giggling. Beth mushes some more into her mouth and Quinn gives up trying to keep her clean. She'll just give her a bath later.

"Do you wanna go on another double date?" Brittany asks a bit later. "That was kinda fun."

"Kind of." Quinn relents, "but I broke up with Jeff." Frankly, she is a little surprised that Santana hasn't told Brittany already; but she finds herself touched by the fact that she hasn't. Begrudgingly, Quinn will admit that occasionally Santana is capable of surprising her.

"Oh, how come? He was super nice."

"I...I didn't really like him that much. Not like that."

Brittany is quiet for a few minutes, then looks at Quinn curiously. "Cause you like someone else? Or cause you just don't like him?" She finally asks.

"Sort of both."

"Mama, can we see ell'phants?" Beth asks.

"Sure sweetie."

As they head over towards the elephants, Brittany slips her hand into Quinn's and squeezes. The expression on her face stills Quinn for a moment, and she almost blurts it out. Beth scampers ahead of them, and Quinn lets her, keeping one eye on her. She takes a breath and grips Brittany's hand, feeling her whole face becoming hot. She really doesn't know why she's nervous, Brittany's never made her nervous about anything in her life.

"I broke up with him cause I think I'm gay." She tries to say it evenly, like it's not a weight that's been pressing on her chest for weeks now, causing her pain to spit it out; but it comes out in a choked whisper anyway. She thought this was supposed to get easier.

For a second, Quinn thinks Brittany hasn't heard her, and she's going to have to say it all over again. Quinn doesn't know if she can manage it. Then Brittany slings an arm around her and kisses her cheek. "Awesome. Well not for Jeff, but awesome. You can date Rachel now! She was worried you didn't like girls. I kept telling her that you did. I mean, you liked it when San and I did stuff. I saw you watch us that one time, you totally wanted to join. You can now if you want!"

Quinn can barely breathe, let alone speak, but somehow she manages to choke out a "no thank you."

Brittany shrugs good-naturedly, "okay, but I doubt San will mind. I think she's always wanted to kiss you."

Quinn doesn't know how to process any of the information Brittany has just given her, she thinks that she makes some sort of squeaking noise in response; then chokes out, "she _did_." and Brittany grins at her.

Beth turns around and yells for them both, pointing towards a baby elephant excitedly. Quinn nods to her, and feels Brittany's hand squeeze in hers again.

"Why—why did you say that about Rachel?" Quinn whispers, "why would me liking girls have anything to do with Rachel? Why would that matter to her?"

"Oh, she totally likes you I think. She talks about you all the time, it'd be annoying if it was someone else. But I like you, so I don't mind. So much. Can you maybe hang out with her more? She's driving me a little crazy."

"Wait she...she's never said this to you? It's just what you think because she talks about me a lot?"

"_A lot_." Brittany says, "oh! We forgot to see the monkeys!" she runs over and hauls Beth up over her head, slinging her onto her shoulders again. "Monkeys Beth!" She yells, and takes off running.

"Wait! Britt!" Quinn runs after them, snagging Brittany's arm. "Is this something you _think_ or something you _know_?"

"Why?" Brittany asks, her head cocked to one side.

"Britt..." Quinn whines, cursing the pained way it comes out. Both Beth and Brittany turn and look at her sharply, and Beth frowns, holding her hands out for Quinn. "Please just tell me." Quinn begs as she catches Beth's dive from Brittany's shoulders.

"She's never _said_, but yeah I know."

Quinn sucks in a breath, "forget we talked about this okay? Not the gay thing, you can remember that, but I don't really want to talk about it. But forget everything about Rachel alright?"

"But why? Quinn that'd be so fun, we'd all be dating and..."

"Brittany! I said _drop it_!" Quinn snaps. Brittany jumps—so does Beth—and Quinn doesn't think she's ever actually yelled at Brittany before. Not for real. She forces her tone to soften and adds, "please." Brittany just stares at her for a minute, then gives her a single nod. Quinn shifts Beth in her arms and rubs her back a little, reassuring her that everything is fine. "It's almost six, we should head back for food."

"Okay."

"Britt..."

"I won't say anything." she promises, "but you should."

…

…

Quinn doesn't bother telling Kurt, or Puck, definitely not Rachel; she figures they'll know eventually and she's done enough coming out for a while now. But Kurt knows within practically seconds of Santana knowing, and he smirks at Quinn, gives her a nod, and instructs her to consult him on her plaid choices of clothing from now on. Quinn throws a pillow at his head and tells him if he goes anywhere near her closet she'll kill him.

The problem with Kurt knowing is that it means Rachel might know any day now unless Quinn specifically tells him not to say anything. And something about Rachel having that information, and imagining her embracing it, forcing them to go to gay bars, giving Quinn some insane lecture about how wonderful it all is; or even just _knowing_, makes Quinn feel like throwing herself out of a window. So she walks over to Kurt and asks quietly if he will please keep this information to himself.

He raises his eyebrows at her, "I...of course, but why? I was under the impression that everyone important knows? Sam, your mother, Santana, Brittany knows too right? Why the secrecy?"

"I...I need baby steps," she shrugs, "please? it—it feels like all I've been thinking and talking about and I'm a little sick of it I guess."

"Quinn, I would never offer up anything you didn't want me to. And I get that, the baby steps thing."

"Thank you." Quinn says, and pulls him in for a light hug.

"I mean it about the plaid though."

Quinn gives him a glare and walks away.

…

…

Somehow, it's nearing the end of their second semester, and Rachel's invited them all to her end of the year showcase. They leave Beth with Mrs Landingham and head off to cheer Rachel on. She's _amazing_ as always, and Quinn sits there incredibly proud of her; clapping and hollering with her friends as Rachel takes her bow.

They wait in the lobby for her to come out of the theater, and Rachel skips out, beaming and jumps into Kurt's waiting arms. She grins and hugs everyone before making her way to Quinn. Rachel stands in front of her, and Quinn says, "so, that Emery girl was flat twice that I counted." Rachel swats her arm, but grins and wraps her arms tightly around Quinn's neck. "You were amazing." Quinn tells her.

Rachel pulls back—but slips her hand around Quinn's arm—and thanks her. Turning to everyone she asks if they'd like to go for something to eat.

Quinn positions herself between Sam and Santana when they slide into a booth, but spends most of the night shooting quick glances at Rachel and hoping no one else notices. It's the most time she's spent with Rachel since figuring out that she likes her, and she feels more awkward than ever. She still has a hard enough time just being Rachel's friend, and she likes it, and she doesn't want to do anything to mess it up.

At the end of the night, Rachel slips her arms around Quinn's waist and thanks her again for coming.

"Of course. You were great."

"We're all going to see a play next weekend still right? After everyone is done with their finals?"

"Yeah, I can't wait. I'm so ready for this year to be over."

"Me too. I really miss my dads. Do you have a flight booked home yet? Maybe we can go together?"

"I—" Quinn glances down at the sidewalk, "I'm not going home Rachel. Puck's coming up here for the summer. He's got some summer construction gig. And I'm not...I'm not speaking to my parents there's—Lima isn't not my home anymore." She shrugs as Rachel frowns at her, "have a great summer though. I'll see you next weekend."

She turns and wraps her arm around Sam's free one, waving goodbye to the girls. She frowns as she sees Santana and Brittany whispering off to the side; their arms crossed and faces angry. But in an instant Santana looks up at her and smirks, and Brittany loops her arms around Rachel and smiles, telling her again how great she was; and Quinn relaxes. Poking at Sam's side until he squirms and giggles, laughing as Kurt joins in with her.

…

…

Finals are _horrendous_, but Quinn studies her ass off and nails them all, pulling in a 3.2 GPA for her second semester. Her scholarship is still intact, and nearly all her general classes are out of the way. Her psychology classes had sparked something in her, and Quinn's pretty sure she wants to stick with that field somehow. The utter relief at her first year being over is mind blowing and she comes home from her last test, giddy, grabs Beth and cranks up the music, spinning them around gleefully.

…

…

They all go see Brittany's showcase the Friday night before their plans for the night at the theatre; and it is...one of the single coolest things Quinn has ever seen. Brittany is _stunning_ onstage. Quinn turns towards Santana midway through and sees a frown on her face. Confused, she nudges her only to have Santana shake her head and tuck into herself more.

During intermission, Quinn hauls Santana up and drags her into the bathroom. "What's up with you?" She hisses.

"Nothing." Santana stalks over the mirror and fixes her hair, refusing to meet Quinn's eye.

"San, cut the bullshit, what's wrong?"

"We've been fighting, it's—just leave me alone Q."

"What? No, why are you fighting?"

"She's _leaving_." Santana whispers, choking back a sob. Quinn's eyes widen and she steps forward, about to pull her into a hug, but stops herself; realizing that Santana will snap at her and shut down if she does. So she just stands there, practically hovering, and waits while Santana pulls herself together. "I don't want to talk about it." She finally says, and turns to Quinn, eyes hard. Quinn nods and follows her out of the bathroom and back to their seats.

…

…

They pool all their money together, and get tickets to see _The Lion King_. If Quinn thought _The Little Mermaid_ was amazing, this is a billion times better. When the animals come down the aisles, Brittany yells out happily and grabs Quinn's arm. Beth spends most of the performance on Rachel's lap, unable to see in her own seat. And during intermission, the two of them talk excitedly about the play like their not almost three and nineteen; and Quinn has to shake her head at the whole thing. When Kurt joins in, going on about Simba's vocal range, and Beth nods like she has any idea what he's talking about, Quinn looses it, and starts laughing uncontrollably. The lights flicker on and off, and Sam has to elbow her in the gut to get her to calm down.

…

…

Quinn doesn't think she can remember Santana and Brittany fighting...ever, and she can say with absolute certainty that she _hates_ it.

Santana is bitchy and snaps at everyone, and Brittany just looks lost and withdrawn. Quinn got the information out of Rachel that Brittany's been offered a place as a backup dancer for Beyonce's new tour this summer. It's...an amazing offer, and she'd be an idiot to say no. Apparently, she'd gone on an open audition on a whim a month or so ago, and she'd gotten it. Quinn can't understand how Santana can be mad at her for this, and she tells her so the next time Santana snaps at her.

"Santana! This is an amazing opportunity for her, stop being a bitch. And you know what, don't complain about _my_ room being messy if you can't find your stuff."

"I'm not mad about the tour. It's fucking Beyonce! It's amazing. Of course I'm happy for her."

"Then what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know!" Santana yells. "We've been fighting for months and I don't know why. And this...her leaving is just making it worse." She wraps her arms around herself and makes a whimpering noise that causes Quinn's chest to hurt. "I think we're gonna break up." She whispers.

"What, no you won't."

Santana slinks down into the bed, "no. I think we are, this...this hurts way too much Quinn. _I hate it_."

"Santana, you can't. It'll be fine you...I've barely noticed you guys fighting, how has this been..."

"We're better at hiding things than you'd think." Quinn drops down to the bed next to Santana and waits for her to continue. "It's been going on all semester Q, it just keeps getting worse and I don't know how to fix it. We've _tried_. If we don't break up now...it might ruin everything. We've never fought like this, not ever."

Quinn slips an arm around Santana's shoulders and sighs. "I'm sorry."

"You're gonna be here all summer right?" Santana asks a few minutes later. Quinn nods, their heads clinking together. "I'm going home, my mami will freak if I don't, but can I...I mean I live her pretty much already and..."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm never gonna have my own bed again. I've gotten used to that. But you're gonna have to chip in with rent, or groceries or something."

"Deal."

…

…

Santana comes into Quinn's bedroom after talking with Brittany the next night and falls apart. Quinn doesn't think she's ever seen her look this broken; not even after her abuela disowned her. She holds her while she cries, and long after she falls asleep.

…

…

Beth turns three, and she's old enough now to really understand her birthday, so Quinn goes all out.

Despite Santana and Brittany barely being able to look at each other, the party is pretty amazing. Beth goes running back and forth between everyone, thrilled to have so many people in the apartment at once. Puck shows up about half an hour into the party with Mike. Their plane got delayed a bit. Everyone is shocked, but happy to see Mike. When Quinn wraps her arms around him for a hug, she swears he's gotten taller.

Beth is practically vibrating with excitement, tearing open presents with abandon. When she gets to Rachel's and finds that she has a brand new keyboard, she screams and jumps on top of her. Rachel promises that the keyboard comes with lessons, from hers truly. They make a plan to set up Skype every Wednesday.

Brittany and Kurt baked a cake that is supposed to be in the shape of an elephant, but doesn't quite look like it. Beth sticks her face in the middle with a little persuasion from Puck and Quinn sighs, this is going to be a long summer.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam, Kurt, Santana and Rachel all head back to Lima for the summer; Brittany goes off on tour, and Puck and Mike move into the apartment.

It's... not how Quinn expected her summer to go, but all in all, it's not a horrible turn of events.

She's never really spent any sort of significant time with Mike Chang before, but she wakes up and pads into the kitchen to find him making pancakes; Beth sitting up on the counter next to him. She hangs back in the doorway for a minute, just watching them. He's awkward with her, and it's hilarious.

Their apartment isn't exactly huge, and Puck and Mike don't seem like the sharing a bed type, so the couch is Mike's for the summer. Quinn hasn't worked out why exactly he's here, but she's gathered that he's broken up with Tina, and he's probably sticking around all summer, doing the construction job with Puck.

"Morning." She greets him and reaches over to pick up Beth. "How's being three?" She asks her with a grin.

"Mike's making pancakes!"

"I see that."

"You want some?" Mike asks. Quinn nods and says thank you before pouring herself a large mug of coffee. "Sorry for crashing. Puck didn't tell me you guys didn't know I was coming."

"It's fine." Quinn reassures, waving him off. "Seriously, Santana's been crashing nearly all year. In my bed I might add. At least you're polite enough to take the couch."

Mike laughs and shoves over a plate full of pancakes. "Well, I've always prided myself on being more considerate than Santana." He says with a grin, and Quinn laughs. This is gonna work out just fine.

...

...

It's odd living with Puck again but Mike is one if the best roommates Quinn has ever had. He can cook, he picks up after himself, he cleans, he's not loud, she doesn't know why she's never really been his friend before now; but she's glad she's getting the opportunity. Having Puck here brings back memories from sophomore year, ones that after the fight with her mother, cut just a little deeper than she would like. It's not actually Puck's fault and Quinn tries very hard to remember that.

He's different than she remembers somehow. The last year has forced him to grow up just as it's done a bit with her. The fact that Beth talks a mile a minute now, can really play, and has her own opinions seems to make it easier for him to interact with her. He was awkward and tentative the first week he was here, until Quinn let herself into Sam and Kurt's room (Puck's for the summer) and told him to cut the shit, stop being afraid of a three year old and be her dad or leave.

He took her to the park, and she's now a master at the monkey bars. In fact, she's taking to climbing all over everything. People included. Quinn might have a heart attack before she even turns twenty at this rate.

...

...

Rachel is true to her word, and the first Wednesday of the summer Quinn calls her over Skype, Beth sitting in her lap eagerly.

"Hey Rach," Quinn greets her, "you've got a very excited student waiting."

"Hi you two!" Rachel waves and Beth sticks her face right up by the camera, causing her to laugh. "I miss you guys already."

"We miss you guys too." Quinn pulls Beth back so she can actually see Rachel. "How's Lima?"

"Is it weird if I say great?" Rachel asks with a laugh, her nose wrinkling adorably. "I mean I love New York. I love it. But it is oddly nice to be back home."

"I would call you a little weird, but I think I get it at the same time. If that makes any sense." Quinn frowns at herself. She sounds like a complete idiot.

"I can play Mach!" Beth yells happily, and proceeds to start banging on the keyboard with ferocity.

Quinn stills her hands and grabs a hold of them. "Don't break your present," she scolds lightly, "Rachel bought that for you."

Quinn sets Beth down on the couch, in front of the laptop and her keyboard, and curls up at the edge with a book. She can't remember the last time she read a book because she wanted to, and not because it was a requirement for class. She used to read all the time. Quinn's taking advantage of her free time this summer, she's already got a stack of books from the local library on her nightstand. After a few minutes, she barely notices Rachel's patient instructions, and Beth's excited pounding on the keys.

It seems like no time at all has gone by, but when Beth crawls up her legs and smacks her book, Quinn's actually read over a hundred pages. "Mama," she says, with a look of exasperation that Quinn _knows _she's mimicking from her (and god does that only get weirder and weirder) "Mach wants to talk to you. We're done. And I wanna watch Scooby Doo."

Quinn brushes some curls out of Beth's eyes. "_Please_, may I watch Scooby Doo." she corrects.

"Please, Scooby Doo?"

"Go ahead," Quinn nods towards the tv, the movie still cued up in the dvd player from last night. Her three year old is perfectly capable of operating it all on her own. Quinn's not sure if she's proud at her independence, or a bad mother to let her three year old be around screens so often that she can operate it herself. She's going with the first option for now.

Beth runs off and Quinn just shakes her head before turning back to her laptop, Rachel grinning at her. "So, she gonna be a pianist?"

Rachel tilts her head to the side, and Quinn can see she's actually contemplating it, not taking it as the joke Quinn had meant. For some reason, it warms her heart. "There's hope," she says with a light smile. "She has an ear for musicality, time and practice will tell. Between your genes and Noah's and my help she's ahead of the game."

"What game?" Quinn asks with a laugh, "she's three Rach."

"The earlier she starts the better she'll be Quinn." Rachel says, a serious look on her face. "Besides, a musical background could help her in a ton of different factors later in life. Confidence, speaking, being able to express herself..."

Quinn just sighs and gives Rachel a smile as she leans back into the couch and the Scooby doo theme song starts to play. Now there's a song that gets stuck in your head forever. "So, what are you doing this summer besides teaching my kid every Wednesday?"

"Honestly, nothing much. It's weird to not have anything planned, or nothing I need to do. Right now, I'm just hanging out with my dads, I might look for a job, something part time. I think the Lima Bean might be hiring. What about you? How are Noah and Mike?"

"Good, a little weird, but good. Mike taught her how to dismount from flips properly yesterday. She won't stop climbing all over everything and flipping herself over it. I think she's gonna give me a heart attack. Santana's gonna have to stop calling her Lizard and start calling her Monkey instead."

"So Mike taught her _more_?" Rachel laughs.

"Well, she almost smacked her head while I was at work. He told me if he couldn't get her to stop, he'd teach her how to fall. It was probably a good idea."

Rachel looks up away from the camera and waves at someone, giving Quinn an apologetic smile. "Hey, sorry Kurt and Mercedes are here, we're gonna go to the Lima Bean. Get applications and a coffee. Can I call you later?"

"Yeah sure, hey Kurt! Hi Mercedes!" she yells. His face appears, in front of Rachel, a grin plastered on it and she can see Mercedes in the background, waving at her.

"Puck is _not _to bring any girls into my bed. Quinn, I am counting on you to enforce that."

"Ew, god Kurt that is not my job."

"Quinn! I implore you," he dramatically places his hand across his chest, "please, please, I'll babysit for like a week in a row when I get back. Don't let him have sex on my bed."

"Go get a job. Bye Mercedes!"

"Quinn Fabray!" He yells. Quinn waves, smirks at him, and turns Skype off.

…

…

June goes by much faster than Quinn realizes, and before she knows it, she, Puck, and Mike have fallen into a comfortable routine. It's hot as all get out in the city, and they can't afford air conditioning; so they get a few fans, and learn how to keep the house shut up at certain times, and open at others to keep it as cool as possible. They make do, and start taking frequent trips to the community pool. Quinn doesn't let Beth out of her arms, and forces the boys to do the same.

Mike is a much better cook than either Sam or Kurt, and it's nice to have someone else around who can actually feed everyone for a change. She's wishes that she'd spent more time with him when they were in high school, because they become fast friends. He's a great buffer between her and Puck whenever they get into an argument, and he's horribly awkward with Beth in an endearing way.

The boys head off to work before the sun even comes up (something that both baffles and is hilarious to Quinn where Puck is involved) and are usually back around one pm. They all have lunch together, and usually crash by the same time Beth goes down for her nap. Then Quinn goes off to work at the coffee shop, leaving Puck to parent Beth for the majority of the afternoon.

The first week or so, Beth starts having temper tantrums again. She hasn't been left in Puck's care in over a year, and isn't as used to him (and doesn't know Mike at all). She starts crying anytime Quinn leaves if she's still awake and it breaks Quinn's heart. She can see how hard it is on Puck, but thankfully, he takes it in stride and doesn't shut down or stop helping. Actually parenting her doesn't come naturally to him, he's better at playing with her and joking, but once she gets used to him, it works. If she's not bleeding and she's been fed by the time Quinn comes home after dinner, she counts it as a win.

Rachel calls every Wednesday at ten am and has her lesson with Beth for about half an hour, then talks with Quinn. They end up talking for longer and longer each time, about almost nothing, recapping their weeks, laughing over some ridiculous thing Puck did, and idiot customers of Quinn's. Rachel doesn't get a job at the Lima Bean (but Kurt does) instead, she gets a lifeguarding job at the JCC pool. Quinn realizes she is most _definitely _gay when Rachel gives her an impromptu showing of her uniform. She manages to choke out, 'oh, nice' before claiming Beth needs her and hanging up, least she embarrass herself.

She doesn't call Rachel unless it's Wednesday, but they text more than ever. Quinn doesn't think she spends a large part of her job paying attention to the children in the pool.

…

…

Quinn comes home from work one night to find Beth, Puck, and Mike all shirtless and pant-less, laying down on the hardwood floor in front of a fan, watching tv with dead looks in their eyes. Beth glances up tiredly, says 'mama', then turns back to the tv, her head resting on Puck's chest. Quinn just shakes her head, and shucks her uniform, digging around for something to eat. She hates summer, always has. Heat makes her cranky. A trait she has apparently passed on to her daughter.

Another night she comes home to find Beth sitting on Mike's back as he does push-ups on the living room floor.

Then there is the night he is teaching her pirouettes, (taking up where Brittany left off) all her friends seem adamant about her daughter being some sort of a performer.

The night she comes home and Beth is in her underwear, down in a crouch, mimicking Puck and growling at him, she just stands there for a second, unsure of what she's seeing. Mike walks up behind her, shirtless as they always seem to be nowadays (the heat is becoming insatiable) a bowl of cereal in his hands and just laughs. "Don't even ask." He warns her.

"Wouldn't even know where to start." Puck growls, and Beth growls back, stomping her legs. "I'm taking a shower, make them stop... whatever the hell this is before I get out."

Mike salutes at her with his spoon.

…

…

Before she knows it, June has flown by and Santana comes and visits for a week. Quinn has never been more glad to see her in her whole life. Beth screams and takes off running, throwing her body at Santana with a bright grin. Quinn smirks as she watches Santana wrap her arms tightly around her.

"Oh shut up, I can miss you guys if I want." She says, and dumps Beth back into Quinn's arms. Quinn just laughs at her. "Jesus it's hot in here."

"Yeah," Quinn fans herself with a plate, "wanna go to the pool?"

"God no. Rachel keeps dragging me to the fuc—" she glances down at Beth, "_goddamn_ pool she's lifeguarding at. I am sick of pools."

"You're hanging out with Rachel?" They get along, but Quinn doesn't think she's ever seen the two of them willingly spend time with just each other before.

Santana scoffs, "Berry hangs out with _me_." She reaches over and tickles Beth's stomach as she crawls across the kitchen table. Quinn doesn't have the energy to reprimand her. It's too fucking hot. "She's driving me nuts. For some reason, she's decided she needs to cheer me up or something. All it's making me want to do is fucking throw her into the pool and hold her under 'till she drowns."

"Santana!" Quinn scolds.

"Tana said a bad word." Beth says with a grin. Santana wriggles her eyebrows at her while Quinn smacks her arm.

"Yes she _did_. She's a horrible person and you're not allowed to say that word. Come on, go get your swimsuit on, we're going to the pool." Beth jumps off the table (flipping her body around _twice_) and runs off to get changed. "Stop swearing in front of her." Quinn orders.

"She can do flips now?" Santana asks, impressed and ignoring her completely. Quinn just shakes her head and goes to get changed.

Despite her apparent aversion to pools, Santana dons a very small bikini and slinks down into the pool the minute they get there. Quinn wets Beth's floaties and slides them onto her arms before slipping in with her. They paddle around for a while, passing Beth back and forth and splashing each other like they're thirteen again.

Beth is holding the side and practicing blowing bubbles into the water, Quinn hovering right next to her when Santana picks at the ends of her hair and says, "I miss Britt."

"I know." Quinn tells her. "It's sort of obvious."

Santana splashes her in the face.

"Very mature."

"She's only called me once, and we don't text like at all. I mean, we sort of agreed we wouldn't really, cause it's hard and we didn't want to fight more but..." she shrugs, "I dunno. She called last week, she sounded really happy. And I'm miserable."

"And you're mad at her for being happy." She doesn't bother framing it like a question, she can see it in Santana's eyes, and she's far too similar to Quinn, she knows.

"I'm such a bitch." Santana lets go of her hair and slumps down into the water, letting her body float.

"Yeah," she flicks some water on Santana's face, "but it's alright."

Santana makes a face at her, but looks so much like a wounded puppy that Beth turns around and dog paddles—rather unsuccessfully—into her arms. Reaching up, she wiggles her body until she can plant a wet kiss to Santana's lips. "Be happy Tana."

Santana playfully bites Beth's shoulder, and sends her to paddle back to Quinn.

…

…

Santana's week of vacation goes by much faster than Quinn would like. Despite she and Puck lounging on the couch, wearing nothing but their underwear and drinking beers together; it's fun to have Santana around again. Beth is in Heaven. She barely lets Santana put her down for a minute; and the second she sits down, Beth crawls all over her. The only exception to this Quinn sees all week long is when she comes home from work to find Santana, Mike and Puck playing catch _with Beth_ in the living room. She squeals with delight as Puck tosses her to Mike and then waves to Quinn mid air as he tosses her to Santana.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Sup Baby Mama, wanna play?" Puck asks her with a grin.

Quinn doesn't bother dignifying that with a response.

The fourth of July lands on a Thursday, and the four of them head over to the Hudson river to watch the Macy's fireworks display. Quinn makes sure Beth gets a later nap so she can stay up for them. It's incredibly crowded, but they manage to find a space for all of them to sit, get some hot dogs, and the show is spectacular. Beth is scared at first, jumping down from Puck's shoulders and crawling onto Quinn's lap. But when a bright pink firework is released and spins out into a flower like shape, she gets excited and stops worrying about the noise. When they begin the long walk home, Beth falls asleep in Puck's arms and Quinn catches his eye, smiling at the look of wonder he is giving her.

Quinn and Santana flop down into Quinn's bed, exhausted, and sticky and way too hot. Quinn kicks the fan on, making sure a bit of the breeze gets on all three of them. She envies Beth, it's too hot to fall asleep.

"I want to rip my skin off." Santana groans.

"I like Rachel." Quinn whispers. Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's just that she can't keep it inside her anymore, or she's sick of hiding something from her best friend, but it just comes out. No warning, and she finds that she's too tired and too hot to care much about it.

"Yeah, whatever Berry's fine. But I will kill her if she doesn't cool it a bit with the whole cheering me up thing. It doesn't cheer me up, it makes me want to commit murder. _Her_ murder specifically."

Quinn bites her lip, "no... I _like _Rachel." She repeats. "It's... it's how I knew I was gay. Or how I figured it out."

Santana whips her head around and stares at her. "What?" Quinn just nods and rolls over, getting a full blast of the fan as it spins. "You..." Santana stares up at the ceiling, "you know what, this—explains _a lot_ about high school actually."

"What? I didn't like her then." Quinn insists.

Santana snorts, "keep telling yourself that. Holy shit, how did I not figure this out before? _Berry_? Really Q? I mean... are you gonna ask her out?"

"No." Quinn says immediately.

"How come, she's bi. Britt told me."

"Her being bisexual doesn't mean she likes _me _Santana. We're friends. I'm... I _like_ being her friend now that I am. I'm not gonna screw that up. It's just a crush, it'll go away."

Santana studies her for a while, until Quinn kicks her shin. "Whatever. Be lonely and miserable with me. We can start a club. T-shirts and the whole deal."

"Go to sleep."

"It's too hot." Santana whines.

"I'll punch you and knock you out." Quinn offers, she's not even sure if that actually works unless it's in the movies. It seems doubtful.

"Go for it. I'm fucking tired."

Quinn pinches her thigh instead. It doesn't knock her out, but she does squeal.

…

…

Santana books a flight home Sunday night, promising to come back near the beginning of August. Quinn goes with her to the airport, glad to see that she seems happier than when she arrived. At least a little bit. "Don't say anything to Rachel." She warns.

"Anything like what? How you're hot for her school girl skirts and knee socks?" Santana smirks and wiggles her eyebrows at Quinn. "You should see the lifeguard suit. I mean it's a one piece, but Berry's got a body she's kept pretty hidden."

"Santana, shut up."

"Nah, I mean it Q, you could—"

Quinn covers her mouth, "Santana, shut the fuck up." She removes her hand and almost smacks the smug grin right off Santana's face. Instead she stands there and glares while her friend slings her bag over her shoulder and walks off to board her plane; making an obscene gesture with her fingers and tongue. "Idiot." Quinn mutters under her breath, and turns to head home once Santana is out of her sight.

…

…

On a particularly humid afternoon mid July, Quinn has the night off and Beth is being a holy terror. Quinn's hatred of hot weather, has absolutely been passed down to her daughter and she can't get her down for a nap. She wants the covers on, because with the fan she's too cold; then she kicks them off within seconds, too hot, and on and on. Quinn's about this close to snapping when Puck walks into her room with his guitar slung over his shoulder and starts to play. He nudges Quinn after a second, and she fights to remember the words to the song he's singing. Beth stares at them, glancing back and forth between one and the other in shock. Before they make it to the end of the song, her eyelids are starting to droop, and suddenly, Quinn's flashing back to being fifteen and babysitting with Puck; wondering if she could raise her child with him after all. By the end of the second song, Beth is out like a light. Quinn turns the fan on to spin, and lightly places a sheet over Beth before they tip toe out of the room.

"Thanks, I was ready to kill her."

Puck shrugs, sets his guitar down and grabs a beer. Quinn raises an eyebrow at him. "What? She's asleep. I haven't drank... drunk?" he frowns for a second, then shrugs, "not a damn thing while I watch her, but asleep is fair game."

"Whatever." Quinn makes herself an ice coffee, not bothering with anything but black coffee, ice cubs and tons of vanilla ice cream. It might as well be a coffee milkshake. "How long 'till you guys are done?"

"Last day's... August... sixteenth? Seventeenth? Something like that. Why, sick of me already?"

"Oddly, no," Quinn pops up onto the counter, and props one leg up, balancing her cup on her knee and sipping through a straw. "It's been alright. Nice for Beth."

"Yeah, it's weird, she seems so grown up now. Like... talking and everything. I mean, she could talk before but it just—she's got like _opinions_ on stuff. She's only three but... it's wild. Can you believe she's our _kid_."

"No," Quinn smiles at him. "I know what you mean. It blows my mind sometimes too."

Puck looks up at her, suddenly even more serious than he had been only a minute ago. "You've been doing amazing with her. You _are_ doing amazing. You're a great mom Quinn."

Noah Puckerman has only made her cry a handful of times, and it's never been because he was being nice to her before. It's a weird feeling.

"I mean it." He says as she wipes a tear away. "You..." He stands and the next thing she knows he's right in front of her, a hand on her propped up knee and the other on the counter next to her. "You're amazing." He leans forward, and Quinn knocks her head back, slamming it into the cabinet behind her. "Shit, sorry." Puck apologizes and steps back from her. "I didn't... I dunno why I almost did that. I don't—honest Quinn I'm sorry. It's not like that. I just, our kid's so awesome. I kinda just..."

"_I'm gay_ Puck. That's... that's not ever going to happen again."

He gapes at her for a second, then laughs, fully bellied and loud. "How is it that a good chunk of the girls I've slept with turn out to be gay. Santana, Britt, you... hell, you all slept with me the same year actually. Which is weird now that I think about it."

"Puck!"

"Sorry," he grins and shrugs, unabashed. "I didn't... I dunno why I did that. I don't actually like you like _that_ anymore. It wasn't... it was more about Beth. Sorry."

Quinn just shakes her head, because she gets it, and she can tell when he's being honest now. Living with someone for a year will do that. She can read him pretty easily. "It's okay. She _is_ amazing, and she's ours."

"She's more yours though," he says, and before Quinn can protest he waves her off. "Nah, she _is_. It's okay. I don't..." he sighs, and leans back onto the table top, "this has been awesome so far, but it's also been way hard. Mike doesn't know what to do with kids either, but... if he hadn't been here to help while you're at work, or that lady across the hall didn't mind me asking her stuff—I couldn't do it. I can play with her and stuff," he shrugs, and looks a little sad, but there's an air of acceptance about him. "I dunno how you do it."

"_I don't._" Quinn admits. "Sam's here everyday. He's a natural. Him and his stupid little siblings, he always knows what to do. And I've got Santana, and Britt, and Kurt and even Rachel. I don't do it by myself. I don't think I could either."

"No, you could. You do. Help is help, you're still her mom. I've watched you all summer, and before, when she was a baby. You're a natural too."

"I'm not."

"You're better than you think you are Quinn. Always have been." He smiles at her and takes a swig of his beer. "Some lady is gonna be real lucky to have you some day." His smile turns into a wicked smirk, "and as father and co-parent, I should get all the intimate details."

"Fuck off." Quinn says, but she's smiling back at him.

…

…

As much as the school year seemed to drag on, the summer goes by impossibly fast. Santana is back for good by the beginning of August, the rest of her friends only a few weeks away.

Santana comes back with all her things, and Quinn appears to have a new roommate. Their lease isn't up until next year, so Quinn is going to be sharing her bed with two people from now on. At least one of them is miniature sized. It's not just all her things Santana has brought with her, there is a new determination in her eyes; and she's not even back a day before she has two girls phone numbers.

"What about Brittany?" Quinn asks on their walk back to the apartment.

Santana shrugs, and licks her ice cream cone. "What about her? We've been broken up all summer. Feels like even longer."

"Yeah... but San, she'll be back in a few weeks right? Are... I kinda thought you guys would get back together once the tour was over."

"I dunno. Either way, that's not now. And I've only been with Britt, I need to date other girls. It's college, that's what we're supposed to do. Fuck around with lots of people and have fun. You should go on a date or two yourself. Girls, instead of rich white boys like Jeff. We'll find you a rich white girl instead. Uppity-like, old money. Then she can buy us both tons of jewelry and clothes and shit."

"_Us_? Why would this hypothetical girlfriend of _mine _be buying _you_ expensive gifts?" Quinn's ice cream cone is dripping all over her hand, she knew she should have gotten it in a bowl. She reaches over and snatches Santana's last napkin and uses it to dab off her hand.

"Cause I'm your best friend, and if I bagged a rich girl, I'd at least get you a banging purse or something."

"Why thank you." Quinn says dryly.

Santana shrugs, "no prob."

Quinn hadn't thought Santana was serious at all, getting the numbers was one thing; an ego boost or something. But a day later, she comes out of Quinn's room clad in a very tight teal dress, her hair done up to perfection and somehow wearing a cocky, yet slightly nervous expression. "Wha'da you think?" She asks, giving them a twirl. Mike whistles at her and she grins, nodding to him and fake bowing.

"Where are you going?"

"I've got a date, that girl, Michelle. The one who gave us the ice cream cones."

"Seriously?" Quinn asks, Mike whistles again.

Santana nods and grabs her purse, stepping into some killer high heels that Quinn wouldn't wear in a million years. "You look pretty Tana." Beth supplies.

"Thanks Lizard, don't wait up."

And just like that she's gone. Quinn turns to Mike, but he only shrugs and takes another bite of his banana.

…

…

Santana goes on three more dates with Michelle over the next two weeks, and comes back after the third one giggling and drunk; yanking her clothes off with difficulty in the dark. Quinn rolls over and glares, completely ineffective since Santana can barely manage to get her clothes off and stand up straight, let alone see Quinn glaring at her in the dark.

"You smell." She complains.

"I smell like _sex_." Santana declares proudly.

"Gross, go take a shower."

"Too tired." Santana mumbles, and slumps into the bed in her underwear, no bra, and pressing way too close to Quinn for how hot it is and her level of nakedness.

"Put on a tank top." Quinn orders. Santana only shakes her head back and forth against the pillow. "Now, or I'll shove you onto the floor." Santana groans, but rolls away, reaching out blindly until she finds something from the floor and yanks it on; flopping back down with a sigh. "Did you really sleep with her?" Quinn asks a moment later.

Santana nods, but doesn't say anything else. Quinn thinks she's fallen asleep, and almost has herself when Santana finally whispers, "it was weird. Way different than with Britt."

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"Not sure. She's got a friend though, I set up a date for you. Friday night. I'll watch the lizard if the boys are busy."

"What!? No!"

"_Yes_." Santana says, firmly, and sounding more awake than she has in the last half hour. "You need to go on a date with an actual girl Quinn. It's one goddamn date, it's not gonna kill you. I saw a picture, she's hot. You're going."

"I am _not_." Quinn insists, "you can't make me."

…

…

It turns out, Santana _can _make her because Friday comes along and Quinn is shoved into a sundress, her hair pulled back, and sweating more than she ever has in her life.

"No Santana, I can't do this."

"It's _dinner _Q. Dinner. You go, you eat, you talk. That's it. If she turns out to be a freak—which I highly doubt because I did my research—then you text me and I bail you out."

"I hate you." Quinn moans.

"Yeah, yeah, your bra's a little crooked. Lemme just..." she reaches out and starts manhandling Quinn's breasts. Quinn smacks her hands away. "Touchy much? I'm _helping_."

"You are _not._"

There is a knock on the apartment door and Quinn feels like she is going to throw up. Santana smacks Quinn's ass and opens the door, greeting Liz, the friend of Michelle's that Quinn is being set up with. She can barely hear whatever Santana is talking about with her, just slings her purse over her shoulder and takes a breath. She was berated by Sue Sylvester for over two years, she grew up a goddamn Fabray, she can handle one fucking date.

"Bye Santana." Quinn says, and shuts the door in her face. "Hi, I'm Quinn. My friend is an idiot, please disregard pretty much anything she just said."

Liz bites her lip and laughs, "nice to meet you Quinn, I'm Liz." Quinn shakes the hand offered to her, and the two of them walked down the hall, and out into the afternoon heat. "Do you like mexican?" Liz asks as they neared the subway line. Quinn nods though she's only ever eaten the odd burrito or whatever food Santana's mother has made. "There's this great food truck that goes near Central Park on Fridays, I thought we could get that, then hang in the park for a while. If that sounds okay."

"Yeah," Quinn tucks a stray bit of hair back behind her ear, "that sounds good."

As they make their way towards Central Park, Quinn remains mostly quiet, studying Liz whenever she thinks the girl isn't looking. Quinn's not sure how to interact with Liz, her only real perception of lesbians is Santana and random stereotypes she's seen in movies and tv. She feels like she is expected to act a certain way, but she's not sure what exactly that is. They arrive at the park, and Liz greets the man at the food cart by name, and after asking Quinn what she likes (Quinn has no idea) she orders them two burritos that smell delicious. They walk into the park a bit until they find an empty bench and sit down.

"So, Santana said your daughter is three?" Liz asks after they eat in silence for a few moments.

Quinn nods, her mouth full, and swallows before dabbing her lips and smiling at Liz. "Yeah, her birthday was in the beginning of June."

"It's... she told me I wasn't allowed to ask much about her unless you seemed willing to talk about her. I was given a lot of rules actually." Liz says with a laugh.

Quinn is going to kill Santana. "You can ask," she offers, "or... I mean it's not much of a story really. I was fifteen, I made a mistake, here we are."

Liz nods, and finishes off her burrito, chucking the wrapper into a nearby garbage can with accurate precision. "So, you pick a major yet? Might as well get all the generic small talk over and done with." She grins, a bit cocky and charming, and Quinn decides right then and there that she likes her, and relaxes for the first time all afternoon.

"No, but I took a couple of psychology classes last year and I really liked them." Quinn shrugs, and crumbles her wrapper into a ball as well, but not about to try chucking it into the garbage can. She'll miss. "I'm taking more this semester, but I don't know what I want to do. It—it just seems so ridiculous that someone our age should just _know._"

"Yeah, it feels like it should be easier to figure it out. At least, cheeper."

"Oh god yeah. If I didn't have a scholarship I don't know what I'd do." Quinn rolls the ball of wrapper back and forth between her hands, and watches a boy chuck a frisbee at his father's head. She and Liz both laugh lightly. "How about you? Major I mean."

Liz shrugs, and rests back on her elbows. "I like writing, I thought maybe I'd be a journalist when I was little. You ever read Harriet the Spy? I had a notebook and everything, I'd go around writing about my neighbors, the whole deal."

"Really?" Quinn laughs, and Liz nods, a little red-faced. They talk for a while longer, then stand up and walk back towards the subway. They're going on different lines, so they say goodbye down near the stairs. Liz leans forward and gives Quinn a light kiss goodbye and she waves as she climbs onto her train.

When Quinn gets back to the apartment, Santana bombards her immediately. "So, how was it?"

Quinn shrugs, "it... I don't know, nice I guess."

"Oh come on, gimme more than that."

"_I don't know_," Quinn runs a finger through her hair, "she's nice. We had a good time I just..." Quinn wraps her arms around herself. Liz _was_ nice, and once Quinn had finally relaxed and stopped worrying about what she was supposed to be doing, she had a perfectly pleasant afternoon. She just doesn't know if that constitutes anything other than Liz being a nice person. Talking to Rachel gives her butterflies, a different kind of nervous than being around Liz.

Santana crosses her arms and glares at her, waiting for more information, but Quinn only shrugs and goes to get herself a glass of water.

"Well, if she was nice and you didn't hate it, then you should go out with her again."

"I don't know. I don't think I like dating."

"Why wouldn't you go again?" Santana demands, "and don't say Rachel. If you're not gonna ask her out, then she can't be the reason." Quinn downs her glass of water and doesn't look at Santana, namely because she's right. There isn't much of a reason not to go out with Liz again. "Look, I'll even... if you're gonna be all weird about it, we'll double. Me and Michelle and you and Liz."

"That sounds like a _horrible_ idea."

"Great, I'll set it up for next week."

…

…

It is in fact the most horrible idea Santana has ever had.

Quinn isn't sure what exactly Michelle and Santana manage to talk about when they are alone, but they don't appear to have much to say in front of Quinn and Liz. Quinn does find out that Michelle and Liz don't actually know each other all that well, not nearly as well as Santana had led her to believe. They go to a restaurant in Harlem, and Santana makes great use of her fake ID. Midway through dinner, Quinn takes her wine away.

The longer they are all together, the more apparent it is to Quinn that Michelle and Santana have nothing in common beyond making out with each other. Which proves difficult to do in the middle of a crowed restaurant, on a double date. Santana keeps drinking, Quinn ends up having a glass herself, and Michelle and Liz just start talking to each other. Quinn's not sure at what point in the night she began ignoring anyone apart from Santana, but by the time they've finished their meals, the night seems like it should have been over hours ago.

Michelle snaps at something Santana says, and tells her that she and Quinn should just fucking date each other before getting up to leave; telling Santana not to bother calling her. Liz leaves with her, giving Quinn a bit of an apologetic look.

Quinn grabs Santana and leads her back home. She's weepy and won't stop talking about Brittany, or let go of Quinn. By the time they make it home and to their bedroom, Santana's swaying in place, relying on Quinn to keep her upright. "Maybe we _should_ just date each other," Santana declares, and leans in to kiss Quinn before she can stop her. It's somehow worse than if she'd let Puck kiss her, and Santana pulls back immediately. "God. _No._ Never mind, we definitely shouldn't do that." Santana rests her head against Quinn's shoulder and whines, "I miss Britt so much."

"I know," Quinn says gently, and helps Santana out of her dress, because there is no way she's going to be able to do it herself. And if she tries, she's going to wake up Beth. "She'll be back in like a week, and then you guys need to talk to each other. Figure it out. Stop avoiding her."

"Fuck you Quinn." Santana says, and falls over, her dress stuck over her head. Quinn contemplates just leaving her there, but she starts whining and Beth stirs a little, so Quinn yanks the dress roughly off of Santana's head. "Ow, bitch."

"Bitch yourself." Quinn snaps, and pulls on a tank top and slides into her bed. Their bed, might as well get used to it now, Santana's not going anywhere. Her parents already cancelled her meal plans and room and board at school. Santana crawls in next to her and mumbles apologies, then starts crying all over again. "Come here," Quinn sighs and pulls Santana into a hug, "promise never to kiss me again." She jokes.

"Fuck off, you suck at it anyway. How are you so bad, Britt taught you how to do it."

Quinn gasps, "how do you know about that?"

Santana looks up at her and makes a face. "Really?"

Quinn smacks her arm. "Besides, you pulled away before I even kissed you back. You don't know."

"At least now it's even, we've all kissed each other." Santana tightens her grip around Quinn's waist and whispers, "I just wanna kiss Britt though, no one else."

"Tell her that when she gets back."

"Ask Rachel out." Santana bites back.

"That's totally different and you know it."

"I dare you." She says with a smirk, then cries some more.

"No. Go to sleep."

"_You_ go to sleep."

"_I'm trying!_"

"Oh... right. Fuck off then."

It takes all Quinn has not to just shove her onto the floor.


End file.
